"Spare" memoir by the Duke of Sussex (2023)

[Erin9]

The Sussexes don’t ‘love to sue’. They have sued a couple of newspapers/ tabloids, and Meghan won. As far as I know they have never sued about any books published about them. Nobody on this earth would sue absolutely every author who wrote something about them or their private lives. Life is too short.

I agree that life is too short but Harry sued over an article stating that he hasn't offered to pay for security until late in the process. It doesn't make sense that they let Valentine Low's article about allegations against Meghan, which is far more damaging, alone. Personally, I would be more likely to sue over a book rather than an article.

So does this make Prince William HRH The Prince of Whales now?

On a serious note, it doesn't matter whether all of your family, friends, and strangers object to your choice of partner or partners for legitimate reasons. You're the one who decides what's best for yourself and your relationships. HRH The Duke of Sussex feels as though HRH The Duchess of Sussex is the right person for him, and that is that.

HRH The Prince of Wales's alleged anger issues clear up one thing I've been wondering. In the years after the death of Diana, Princess of Wales, HRH The Duke of Sussex has been very open about his anger and grief over his mother's death. HRH The Prince of Wales, however, has been the epitome of poise throughout the past quarter of a century, which I attributed to his personality, position within the British Royal Family, and generally privacy about his personal feelings. Private anger issues, however, would be a type of coping mechanism, especially if you're in a position where stoicism is demanded at most times.

I don't think that a person who is stoic in public is necessarily violent in private, although it is possible. I just don't see William attacking Harry for standing up for Harry's wife. There would have to be more, like Harry said something truly hurtful about Catherine or Diana. It's also possible that William got toe to toe and Harry pushed him away, sparking a response from William.

I would love to see the Palace remains totally silent. Harry wants a public fight. I would not give it to him.

I think the Palace should continue being silent too, unless Harry says something so egregious (ie- like the racism comment on Oprah)- that they have to respond. I don’t feel that this falls to that level.

Even if you take it at completely face value: Brothers fight. My dad has 2 brothers close in age; I (rather sarcastically) asked if things had ever gotten out of hand. I got something that resembled a laugh in response.

Saying nothing over the years has worked very well strategically for them. Their only response “recollections may vary” was genius. They addressed the issue- and gave them no where to go.

Agreed- I think Harry and Meghan want a public fight. Best not to give it to them.

I think people realize this is Harry’s one sided version of events. He and Meghan always portray themselves as the victims. Many also know that the Sussexes have been caught lying already. And we’re all aware that Harry is writing this book to make money.

I think it is very sad how Harry is choosing to treat his only sibling (and the rest of his family): continually dragging him publicly through the mud, knowing he can’t respond unless a huge line is crossed- and only if something along the lines of “recollections may vary” is needed. So, Harry can basically say anything, knowing he’ll get no real push back. No line by line defense will ever be given.

 

[camelot23ca]

I would love to see the Palace remain totally silent. Harry wants a public fight. I would not give it to him.

I hope they remain silent as well, or limit themselves to a single statement along the lines of “recollections may vary” after the book is released.

Members of the the Royal Family aren’t in a position to be able to deny or provide context to anything Harry and Meghan say. William can’t go page by page through the book to provide context (“yes I did break poor Harry’s necklace but definitely did not push him into the dog’s bowl.”) It would be amusing if it weren’t all so sad.

 

[Curbside]

I think the Palace should continue being silent too, unless Harry says something so egregious (ie- like the racism comment on Oprah)- that they have to respond. I don’t feel that this falls to that level.

Even if you take it at completely face value: Brothers fight. My dad has 2 brothers close in age; I (rather sarcastically) asked if things had ever gotten out of hand. I got something that resembled a laugh in response.

Saying nothing over the years has worked very well strategically for them. Their only response “recollections may vary” was genius. They addressed the issue- and gave them no where to go.

Agreed- I think Harry and Meghan want a public fight. Best not to give it to them.

I think people realize this is Harry’s one sided version of events. He and Meghan always portray themselves as the victims. Many also know that the Sussexes have been caught lying already. And we’re all aware that Harry is writing this book to make money.

I think it is very sad how Harry is choosing to treat his only sibling (and the rest of his family): continually dragging him publicly through the mud, knowing he can’t respond unless a huge line is crossed. So Harry can basically say anything.

Harry has pointed out that they respond through planting and leaking.

 

[US Royal Watcher]

I think the Palace should continue being silent too, unless Harry says something so egregious (ie- like the racism comment on Oprah)- that they have to respond. I don’t feel that this falls to that level.

Even if you take it at completely face value: Brothers fight. My dad has 2 brothers close in age; I (rather sarcastically) asked if things had ever gotten out of hand. I got something that resembled a laugh in response.

...

But this wasn't a fight between a 10 and a 12 year old. If Harry's account is accurate - and I doubt that - it was inexcusable. It may have even been criminal. I just don't understand why Harry is bringing this up now. This isn't the first time that Harry has said that he wants a relationship with William. Harry's decision to tell this story may be a confirmation of the rumors that the first draft of the book was rejected because it wasn't interesting enough and he was under pressure to make serious allegation against his family.

 

[TLLK]

The report wasn't supposed to conclude whether the bullying happened or not. It probably contains the allegations but doesn't investigate whether any of it was true. It was supposed to evaluate how the royal family handles complaints about treatment from family members and make recommendations. I tend to think the allegations of bullying were true because Valentine Low said he witnessed it and Harry and Meghan have never sued him.

That is correct. Jason Knauf pointed out that the there wasn't an established policy on how staff could report about their concerns regarding the behavior of the "principals." The investigation and its subsequent recommendations were to be adopted for future use.


I have to agree regarding Low and other reporters who witnessed at least one of the bullying incidents and that the Sussexes have chosen not to sue.


If the Windsors choose to make a statement, I wouldn't expect one until after the book has been released and there's been time to actually read it. They won't make multiple statements when one is just as effective.

 

[intothesea]

Well, from the two tiny excerpts about William (angry after funeral, angry at the cottage to the point of violence), why is Harry saying he hopes he can have his brother back?

William, quite clearly, prefers a privacy around him. We rarely hear anything about him, aside from in the context of Christmas photo or kids going to school.

Printing this is basically Harry’s way of pushing William to the floor, but I don’t know if it will work.

 

[HRHHermione]

"Spare" memoir by the Duke of Sussex (2023)

Harry has pointed out that they respond through planting and leaking.

This is an allegation Harry has made that has yet to be supported by evidence, from either a single reporter, a single member of the Household, or even the Sussex couple. They have never, for example, pointed to a specific story leaked to the tabloids and said “this had to come from the royal household because of x and it wasn’t true because y” with any verifiable fact.

The only example the documentary gave was that details of their exit plan leaked after he emailed them to his father. However, reporters claim they had the story before then, plus Harry and Meghan were working with a team in the U.S. and on multiple commercial deals. It could have been leaked from a number of places, and by people who had an interest in seeing the exit plan move forward- which would not have been the royal household.

Really, I can’t recommend enough spending time reading the story from multiple sources and angles before forming strong opinions.

 

[Curbside]

That is correct. Jason Knauf pointed out that the there wasn't an established policy on how staff could report about their concerns regarding the behavior of the "principals." The investigation and its subsequent recommendations were to be adopted for future use.


I have to agree regarding Low and other reporters who witnessed at least one of the bullying incidents and that the Sussexes have chosen not to sue.


If the Windsors choose to make a statement, I wouldn't expect one until after the book has been released and there's been time to actually read it. They won't make multiple statements when one is just as effective.

Which incident was this? I’d like to google it.

 

[MARG]

Of course the RF wont respond, so it makes you wonder why Harry is writing this book. He must know that his family do not get into he said/she said debates with anyone.

Well before Harry met Meghan he said he would like to write a book about being the spare. Now for the life of me, I cannot understand the gratuitous pearl-clutching and horror that Harry has, in fact, written that book. I find it telling that everybody seems to be trashing Harry and Meghan as if trying to pave the way with malice and a meanness of spirit that is intended to nullify or invalidate anything Harry says. It is, quite simply, soul-destroying.

There is no need to let loose the dogs of war. Harry is writing about himself, how he saw and still sees his life and how he feels he has experienced his life up until William married. More importantly, until William had his own heir and a spare leaving him surplus to requirement. This is seen through his eyes as a child, a teenager, a young adult and now a married man with children of his own. The story must, by its very name, be about his view of his world. Whether we like it or not it does not change how he felt growing up essentially in his brother's shadow. That is not an accusation, it is an actual fact and nothing that is said, alleged or even lied about now will change what is in that book.

It's written, and printed and will hit the shelves on January 10 2023. I can't wait because it is the first such autobiographical book by a member of the BRF. I expect to smile at how childhood is recalled, feel sympathy and antipathy for him and generally try to understand how and why things went wrong for him. We should be taking this as an opportunity to see behind the walls and trying to understand why people behaved the way they did if it was right and fair and if he has a valid basis for his anger and bitterness.

One incident I will illustrate was the infamous Nazi uniform. He and William went shopping together and William obviously didn't see a problem any more than Harry did. It was a private party with "friends" they had grown up with. They were typically young and privileged men of their set. Yet when someone leaked a picture to the paparazzi Harry was dramatically demonised and is to this day. But where was William? Did he stand by his "wingman" and tell the world what happened? No, he most certainly was not and in fact, he was reported as being in total agreement.

His father announced that he was given a remedial visit to that period of history and taken to the Synagogue and met with the Chief Rabbi, etc. This incident occurred when he was 17 and yet it is regularly hauled out as a stick to beat him with. Proof positive that he had no common sense, worse, was callously indifferent to the whole deal. Unfair? Yes, untrue? Totally. William had to be seen to distance himself from his brother and seemed to have no trouble doing exactly that. Did Harry feel betrayed? Probably.

This book is not about actual facts or realities, it is about how Harry lived it, and must therefore be biased to a degree. Memories differ, especially if you are the person at the centre and are telling your truth. Read it for that alone.

 

[Curbside]

This is an allegation Harry has made that has yet to be supported by evidence, from either a single reporter, a single member of the Household, or even the Sussex couple. They have never, for example, pointed to a specific story leaked to the tabloids and said “this had to come from the royal household because of x and it wasn’t true because y” with any verifiable fact.

The only example the documentary gave was that details of their exit plan leaked after he emailed them to his father. However, reporters claim they had the story before then, plus Harry and Meghan were working with a team in the U.S. and on multiple commercial deals. It could have been leaked from a number of places, and by people who had an interest in seeing the exit plan move forward- which would not have been the royal household.

Really, I can’t recommend enough spending time reading the story from multiple sources and angles before forming strong opinions.

Harry did give an example in the docuseries.

 

[HRHHermione]

Harry did give an example in the docuseries.

Please point to where it is and what it was. I extensively recapped the docuseries almost minute by minute and the only example given that I see in my notes was the one I listed, which I did not find credible for the reasons stated.

 

[Erin9]

But this wasn't a fight between a 10 and a 12 year old. If Harry's account is accurate - and I doubt that - it was inexcusable. It may have even been criminal. I just don't understand why Harry is bringing this up now. This isn't the first time that Harry has said that he wants a relationship with William. Harry's decision to tell this story may be a confirmation of the rumors that the first draft of the book was rejected because it wasn't interesting enough and he was under pressure to make serious allegation against his family.

True. We’re not talking about kids. However- I don’t believe what Harry said is exactly what happened anyway.

I remember those rumors about the first draft being too boring too. There are few people in a better position to say whatever they want publicly about their family than Harry.

Harry has pointed out that they respond through planting and leaking.

Harry said doesn’t do much for me.

He and Meghan have said a lot of things.

 

[Curbside]

The example of the exit plan proposal being leaked.

I’ve read quite a few articles where anonymous “palace sources” are quoted, without names being given. I assume no courtier would speak to a journalist without permission from their bosses.

 

[TLLK]

Which incident was this? I’d like to google it.

Curbside-It was during the Australia/NZ/Fiji tour of 2018.


https://www.news.com.au/entertainme...w/news-story/17335222feaa592110ecc77c4191a9e5

On the same trip, during a Fiji market tour, Meghan was seen by several reporters raging at an aide. Daily Mail royal correspondent Rebecca English said she witnessed the Duchess “turn and ‘hiss’ at a member of her entourage, clearly incandescent with rage about something, and demand to leave.”
English added: “I later saw that same – female – highly distressed member of staff sitting in an official car, with tears running down her face. Our eyes met and she lowered hers, humiliation etched on her features.

 

[HRHHermione]

The example of the exit plan proposal being leaked.

I’ve read quite a few articles where anonymous “palace sources” are quoted, without names being given. I assume no courtier would speak to a journalist without permission from their bosses.

That is the example I listed, along with the reporter responses and the reasons I think it is unlikely that leak came from the royal household.

There are many ways to get stories when anyone interacts regularly with a lot of different people. The alleged incident with Catherine over the bridesmaid dresses, for example, happened in front of both Jessica Mulroney and the staff of Givenchy. Reporters generally pick up a rumor or gossip piece and then work to confirm it. If they waited for stories to come to them, they’d be publishing a lot less often with much more boring stories.

The stories of Megan’s treatment of staff were kept quiet for a long time and did not begin to become public until reporters witnessed behavior on the Australian tour. This is detailed in multiple books

 

[US Royal Watcher]

Well before Harry met Meghan he said he would like to write a book about being the spare. Now for the life of me, I cannot understand the gratuitous pearl-clutching and horror that Harry has, in fact, written that book. I find it telling that everybody seems to be trashing Harry and Meghan as if trying to pave the way with malice and a meanness of spirit that is intended to nullify or invalidate anything Harry says. It is, quite simply, soul-destroying.

There is no need to let loose the dogs of war. Harry is writing about himself, how he saw and still sees his life and how he feels he has experienced his life up until William married. More importantly, until William had his own heir and a spare leaving him surplus to requirement. This is seen through his eyes as a child, a teenager, a young adult and now a married man with children of his own. The story must, by its very name, be about his view of his world. Whether we like it or not it does not change how he felt growing up essentially in his brother's shadow. That is not an accusation, it is an actual fact and nothing that is said, alleged or even lied about now will change what is in that book.

Worrying about whether an article stated that Harry didn't offer payment for security immediately is pearl clutching. Reacting to an accusation that William assaulted him and smearing the family as racist is not pearl clutching.

... We should be taking this as an opportunity to see behind the walls and trying to understand why people behaved the way they did if it was right and fair and if he has a valid basis for his anger and bitterness.

I agree and that is what we are doing.

One incident I will illustrate was the infamous Nazi uniform. He and William went shopping together and William obviously didn't see a problem any more than Harry did. It was a private party with "friends" they had grown up with. They were typically young and privileged men of their set. Yet when someone leaked a picture to the paparazzi Harry was dramatically demonised and is to this day. But where was William? Did he stand by his "wingman" and tell the world what happened? No, he most certainly was not and in fact, he was reported as being in total agreement.

His father announced that he was given a remedial visit to that period of history and taken to the Synagogue and met with the Chief Rabbi, etc. This incident occurred when he was 17 and yet it is regularly hauled out as a stick to beat him with. Proof positive that he had no common sense, worse, was callously indifferent to the whole deal. Unfair? Yes, untrue? Totally. William had to be seen to distance himself from his brother and seemed to have no trouble doing exactly that. Did Harry feel betrayed? Probably.

I don't think that these articles were regularly hauled out until he started accusing everyone else of being racist.

This book is not about actual facts or realities, it is about how Harry lived it, and must therefore be biased to a degree. Memories differ, especially if you are the person at the centre and are telling your truth. Read it for that alone.

He's stating that his brother assaulted him as a fact, not his truth. The incident either happened or it didn't. If it did, why isn't Harry giving the whole story. What does he mean when he says William acted like an "heir."

 

[caethi]

I

Even if you take it at completely face value: Brothers fight. My dad has 2 brothers close in age; I (rather sarcastically) asked if things had ever gotten out of hand. I got something that resembled a laugh in response.
...

Agreed- I think Harry and Meghan want a public fight. Best not to give it to them.

...

I think it is very sad how Harry is choosing to treat his only sibling (and the rest of his family): continually dragging him publicly through the mud, knowing he can’t respond unless a huge line is crossed. So Harry can basically say anything.

This.

William has a temper. Harry is angry but appears to be a brooder, although I don't know. Siblings fight. This was a pretty high stakes situation, and William may have been reacting to fear that his brother's marriage and exit from royal life would seriously affect his own family life. I once took a swing at my sister for much less. Harry paints himself as being defenseless and passive, which is consistent with how he has been presenting himself. That being said, it's pretty low to recount such private things in a book.This physical altercation, after which William apologized, was a fight between two brothers, not between a boss and their employee. We need to ask ourselves, what does Harry gain from revealing this? Does he think people will sympathize with him because his big bad brother attacked him? I doubt it.

I also agree that having a therapist on speed dial is very interesting in light of his claim that he didn't know what to do about Meghan's psychological crisis. If true, and that's a big if, Harry is revealing how truly damaged he is, and perhaps how utterly dependent he may be on Meghan being the "strong" one--any evidence to the contrary and he is unable to problem-solve. Someone (can't remember who) reported that the late Queen worried that Harry and Meghan "loved each other too much." That may have been the wisest observation about their relationship.

Of course I am speculating about their mental states, but his words and behaviour reveal much.

I think I am tiring of the fallout from this manchild's resentment of his lot as "spare" and his life partner's egocentrism, so I will switch off.

 

[Lori138]

One thing to keep in mind... This is Harry's recollection of the confrontation. It is an entirely one-sided account of an incident that had no other witnesses. I suspect we're going to get a strongly worded reiteration of "recollections may vary" from BP/KP. They aren't really going to have any choice but to respond to the allegation that William physically attacked his own brother.

I am really not sure what the big deal is about this supposed 'fight' anyway. Most, if not all, brothers fight at some stage of their lives. All of the brothers I know have had physical fights at some point, get over it and stay brothers. I blame it on testosterone!

All I can say about this otherwise, is that Harry has well and truly burned his bridges now, actually blown them to smithereens! But . . . . . why on earth would William call Harry - Harold? He must know his given name is Henry.

 

[HenRach Dominion]

I guess the two biggest questions about Spare is why is HRH The Duke of Sussex is writing it in the first place and who is he writing it for.
Why is he writing the book? Possible reasons:
- Money
- Fame
- Hatred for being born in a family where subservience to an older sibling is expected
- Hatred for being born in a system where privilege comes at the cost of being subservient to an aggressive press and the people they serve
- Sadness over his family's perceived loyalty to the British press and people over he and his wife
- Anger over his children's perceived lesser treatment due to both their mother and his position as subservient to his brother
- A weight off of his shoulders
- The utter destruction of the British Royal Family
- The utter destruction of the British Press
- Craps and giggles

Who is this book for?
- Fans of TRH The Sussexes who will buy anything they're selling
- People who hate TRH The Sussexes who will buy anything they're selling in order to critique every word they write (no judgement; how people spend their time and money is their business)
- British press, because no matter how much they criticized TRH The Sussexes people gravitate more to their drama than say, HM The Queen Consort's work on domestic violence or HRH The Princess of Wales's work on childhood mental health
- People who are neutral about TRH The Sussexes but love a good royal drama

Either way, HRH The Duke of Sussex gets paid anyway, and no cries of hypocrisy or betrayal is going to change that.

 

[Curryong]

I think Willy and Harold are obviously teasing half sarcastic nicknames the brothers gave each other in childhood. They were a hangover from times when they would insult each other.

 

[LadyRaven]

The example of the exit plan proposal being leaked.

I’ve read quite a few articles where anonymous “palace sources” are quoted, without names being given. I assume no courtier would speak to a journalist without permission from their bosses.

We have seen stuff leak from the White House that made them look bad. Leak from the kremlin that war was eminent and not a bluff and we have even seen leaks from North Korea. So this assumption flies in the face of lived experience

 

[EllieCat]

William has a temper. Harry is angry but appears to be a brooder, although I don't know. Siblings fight. This was a pretty high stakes situation, and William may have been reacting to fear that his brother's marriage and exit from royal life would seriously affect his own family life. I once took a swing at my sister for much less. Harry paints himself as being defenseless and passive, which is consistent with how he has been presenting himself. That being said, it's pretty low to recount such private things in a book.This physical altercation, after which William apologized, was a fight between two brothers, not between a boss and their employee. We need to ask ourselves, what does Harry gain from revealing this? Does he think people will sympathize with him because his big bad brother attacked him? I doubt it.

I agree. Unless something absolutely horrific or illegal happened, which it didn't (all siblings fight) then I think the Royal family should expect loyalty and discreetness from their own family, I mean if they can't trust their own family, who can they trust? They live such a public life and they just have to have their own space to be themselves, with people they trust who won't run to the press. They just have to have that outlet. Very few people are saints and haven't lost their tempers at one time or another. Harry has been so disloyal. I don't doubt that some of what he has felt and encountered is real to him, but what's he getting out of this book? All I can think of is revenge and money.

Not forgetting KCIII, I feel the most for Kate at the moment; I think she's aged in the last couple of years, she loves William so much IMO that I think that every attack that comes from the Sussex camp wounds her deeply on William's behalf. Her own family, the Middletons, are a model of family loyalty. Kate will be feeling upset on behalf of King Charles too, and Camilla - and what does she tell the children about 'Uncle Harry', the older two would remember him quite well. Of course this is just my opinion and I don't know her at all, but Kate always appear to me to be a calm, loving, quiet and deeply loyal person with a very kind heart.

And all this business with the Sussexes is just one blow after the other, and it must be hard to keep calm and carry on.

 

[Curbside]

Curbside-It was during the Australia/NZ/Fiji tour of 2018.


https://www.news.com.au/entertainme...w/news-story/17335222feaa592110ecc77c4191a9e5

Thanks, I’ll check it out.

 

[TLLK]

Thanks, I’ll check it out.

You're welcome. I believe that Low and Bower refer to this in their books.

 

[Curbside]

I have both the Low and the Bower book on hold on Libby.

 

[UglyAmerican]

What kind of dog bowl would break and cut you if you fell on it? A metal one obviously wouldn't. People seem to be assuming it was ceramic, but I don't think a ceramic one would, either. It would shatter if you threw it against a wall, but humans are a lot squishier than walls, and the force would be distributed across the entire bowl rather than just the one point that hit the wall first. I've stepped on bowls like this plenty of times. Those incidents ended with a sore foot and cat food scattered everywhere, but never with a broken bowl.

The only thing that seems likely is if the bowl was made of very flimsy plastic, like a disposable cup. That would break, and the broken sections would have sharp edges that could scrape or cut someone. But why on Earth would they have been using that type of bowl as a dog dish? It's not like they couldn't afford a proper one.

 

[Moonmaiden23]

Am I the only one surprised to hear these guys call each other “Willy” and “Harold?”

I took it as a snarky manner of addressing one another when they were fighting, probably going dating back to childhood.

Don't forget that a "willy" is a British euphemism for a...well...look it up.

This is all so messy and sad. It makes the BRF scandals of the 90's seem almost quaint in comparison.

 

[TLLK]

I took it as a snarky manner of addressing one another when they were fighting, probably going dating back to childhood.

This is all so messy and sad. It makes the BRF scandals of the 90's seem almost quaint in comparison.

Yes it is very messy and sad. With five days remaining until the book is officially released, I predict that we're going to be treated to an onslaught of 90's Windsor family feud reruns and old photos of Harry and William in happier days. With a few of those tales featuring run ins and dust ups with paparazzi from the nightclub years thrown in for good measure.

 

[Ghost]

Willy and Harold as in William the Conqueror and Harold Godwinson?
Such a mess.

 

[Saragli]

This really takes me right back to the 90s. I feel like I'm reliving it. We have the "primary" party and the "secondary" party. The secondary party feels sidelined, unsupported, and slighted so they are doing everything they can to undermine the primary party. I hate this mess.