"Spare" memoir by the Duke of Sussex (2023)

[SirGyamfi1]

I would think considering he is an employee of Better up - they might have a chat. I am not sure I want Harry as a mentor to people paying money to my company.

I am however concerned about Harry's therapist - if this was my brother and this was the rage he had after how many years of therapy. I would call the police. There is a think called therapy manipulation and over medication normally goes with it. Too much therapy and it became the problem.
I do not put much stock in the people the Sussex have around them - yes men who are milking it regardless of the outcome. Harry is after all a meal ticket. Maybe the polo player - Nacos? But is there anyone that he will listen to - anyway?

I think if Nacho has a good head on his shoulders, he could advise Harry better but seeing as he partook in the Netflix series, I’m not sure? But I dare say that Nacho’s wife might tell him to possibly distance himself a bit because she’s from a wealthy and prominent family and her husband’s closeness to Harry....... Nacho doesn’t need Harry at all because he’s married to a woman from a wealthy upper class family from Argentina and is a quite a well known polo player.

 

[camelot23ca]

What was the point of telling that story? That’s what I’d like to know. Is Catherine supposed to look bad because she was uncomfortable sharing lip glass? (She doesn’t imo.) A supposed cultural clash example? (Not imo.)

This is pretty trivial, petty stuff to talk about in a memoir.

But I think that’s just it - nothing is too trivial for Harry to notice or take offence to when it comes to Meghan.

There’s also the fact that Harry’s only in his mid 30s. There’s a reason that even people who have done great things at a young age will often wait awhile before writing their memoirs. Harry’s already at a disadvantage because he hasn’t accomplished anything extraordinary, and he doesn’t have the sort of smart, introspective personality that can reflect on more mundane life events in an interesting, original way. And, worst of all, the events he’s writing about obviously still infuriate him.

 

[Mbruno]

Waoh! Thank you for the info!

This is crazy! I can't believe the ghost writer left this in. He must have known Prince Harry will look crazy. It's not a normal behaviour.

There are other similar excerpts, as Harry claiming that Meghan magically sang to seals and they sang back to her, and a very bizarre account of the day he found out his wife was pregnant and he felt his mother's presence. Apparently he also keeps a box with Diana's hair.

 

[Iluvbertie]

Does anyone know what engagements members of the RF have today? I cannot imagine being a family member and having the press yell out questions and asking for comments about things Harry has disclosed. Disgusting and despicable.

Also, I know very little about publishing so I’d be interested in others’ expertise: will there be repercussions to the reputations of the publisher and/or ghostwriter for this garbage or is this just “who cares as long as we make money” and “there’s no such thing as bad publicity”?

According to the Future Engagements page of the royal website there are no more engagements until the 11th January. Anne did her usual Oxford Farming Conference on the 5th, which is normally the first engagement of the year. Birgitte has also had two 'meetings via phone link'.

The King and the Prince of Wales do not publish their engagements on that website normally. The King had taken to publishing on the Prince of Wales website sometimes and that even less occasionally made it to the main family site but William and Catherine have never announced any there.

It is also normal for there to be very few if any engagements by most of the family in January. Anne and the Wessex's are usually back at work in January - Anne on the 5th and Edward from about the 12th but this year his first public engagement is the 19th.

The FE page only announces 'public engagement' i.e. where people can see a royal but if it is a meeting or an investiture or something done inside a palace or other building often that isn't announced in advance.

 

[Lilyflo]

The more extracts that are published, the more this book resembles a teenager's diary. Harry has always seemed immature and not very bright but these comments about his brother's looks, complaints about bedroom sizes and perceived slights about lip gloss sound embarrassingly juvenile coming from a man in his 30s.

I agree with other posters that the passages about singing with seals and the pregnancy tests have probably been composed by Meghan. They wanted to be global superstars, changing the world but all they've done is offered themselves up for global ridicule.

 

[Purrs]

He apparently visited a medium, who apparently told him Diana's spirit was in the room with them, and that Diana wanted him to know he was living the life she wanted for him.

There is also a very strange anecdote about how Harry saw a leopard on safari in Botswana that he believed was a messenger sent by Diana to tell him everything would be fine.

All of this is quite worrying to me. I don't think Harry is well at all. I wish he would stop lashing out, and seek some serious help.

I agree Harry needs to stop lashing out but I wanted to comment about some of his grief related behaviours.

As someone who's had a major bereavement (we lost our son suddenly 7 1/2 years ago), had grief counselling, read many books about grief & belonged to a bereavement group (I considered training as a group facilitator before the pandemic), I felt I should comment.

Firstly keeping his mother's lock of hair is not unusual - we have some of our son's ashes (technically cremains) we didn't scatter in an engraved wooden urn (a wooden box) in our bedroom. (Why the bedroom? We felt an obvious urn engraved with our son's name, birth & death dates would make visitors uncomfortable if it was in our living room, a bedroom is a more private space.) Our daughter declined our offer of ashes, not everyone finds the same thing comforting. In my husband's and my case, we decided it was comforting to have some of his ashes nearby along with his photo and some candles. As well, it isn't uncommon for bereaved people to occasionally talk to the person they've lost. (I did this for the first year or so when alone. Yes, I knew he was gone but I found it helped me feel better at the time.) Although it's unusual Harry is still doing this although everyone grieves at a different rate and there is no timetable. (There are also not defined stages; Elizabeth Kubler Ross' Seven Stages of Grief referred only to those dying of a terminal illness, not bereaved people.) BTW no one ever gets 'closure' or finishes grieving but over time, the grief changes and becomes less sharp and you learn to live with it.

As well, some bereaved people do seek out mediums or look for "signs". Other people pray. Neither my husband or I did any of these things (probably because we're skeptics, not believers and don't trust mediums or believe in signs.) However, several people (not all) in our bereavement group did use a medium and/or looked for signs.

These behaviours aren't unusual in grieving people (although not everyone does them) and not a sign of mental illness. Grief is so stigmatized in our society because we don't acknowledge death. Our society expects bereaved people to 'get over it' very quickly because we are so uncomfortable with expressions of grief. I don't fault Harry for his grief or most of these grief related behaviours.

What I do take issue with is a lot of Harry has done, especially how his chosen to channel his anger and bitterness by hurting his family, blaming others and airing personal grievances and information about family in public. It's a very self destructive pattern he's fallen into IMHO and will not bring him happiness.

 

[FigTree]

I agree Harry needs to stop lashing out but I wanted to comment about some of his other behaviours related to grief.

As someone who's had a major bereavement (we lost our son suddenly 7 1/2 years ago) and had grief counselling, read many books about grief & belonged to a bereavement group (I considered training as a group facilitator before the pandemic), I felt I should comment.

Firstly keeping his mother's lock of hair is not unusual - we have some of our son's ashes (technically cremains) we didn't scatter in an engraved wooden urn (a wooden box) in our bedroom. As well, it isn't uncommon for bereaved people to occasionally talk to the person they've lost. (I did this for the first year or so when alone. Yes, I knew he was gone but I found it helped me feel better at the time.) Although it's unusual Harry is still doing this although everyone grieves at a different rate and there is no timetable. (There are also not defined stages; Elizabeth Kubler Ross' Seven Stages of Grief referred only to those dying with a terminal illness, not bereaved people.) BTW no one ever gets 'closure' or finishes grieving but over time, the grief changes and becomes less sharp and you learn to live with it.

As well, some bereaved people do seek out mediums or look for "signs". Neither my husband or I did either of these things (probably because we're skeptics and don't trust mediums or believe in signs.) Other people pray. However, several people in our bereavement group did use a medium or looked for signs.

These behaviours aren't unusual in grieving people (although not everyone does them) and not a sign of mental illness. Grief is so stigmatized in our society because we don't acknowledge death. I don't fault Harry for his grief or mostly how is he dealing with it.

What I do take issue with a lot of Harry has done, especially how his chosen to channel his anger and bitterness (over his position the royal family) by hurting his family, blaming others and airing personal grievances and information about family in public. It's a very self destructive pattern he's fallen into IMHO and will not bring him happiness.

I am so unbelievably sorry. I hope you have gained strength from your experiences with counselling and groups. And yes as being from a country who is in a constant conversation about death, which is so much part of life. People cope how they want to cope. There is no right way to grief. You do what you have to do and others should treat that with empathy.

 

[FigTree]

The more extracts that are published, the more this book resembles a teenager's diary. Harry has always seemed immature and not very bright but these comments about his brother's looks, complaints about bedroom sizes and perceived slights about lip gloss sound embarrassingly juvenile coming from a man in his 30s.

I agree with other posters that the passages about singing with seals and the pregnancy tests have probably been composed by Meghan. They wanted to be global superstars, changing the world but all they've done is offered themselves up for global ridicule.

Harry Isengard strong enough to withstand the almost universal negative response this book is getting. So I do worry for him.

 

[Mirabel]

Somewhere I read a comment that Harry now seems to hate his brother for existing!

I don't get it...he has always known that William is the heir, and that only one person will wear the crown! Where is all the resentment coming from, when Harry has had years to learn to accept the status quo??

 

[Alison H]

Harry's still laughing all the way to the bank, with his 20 million pieces of silver for telling the world about having his bottom spanked behind a pub, his frostbitten nether regions and whether or not people should share lip gloss.

 

[tommy100]

Wow trying to keep up with it all is head spinning


The notion Harry and Meghan 'having to use Ikea furniture' is ridiculous. Harry had a trust fund of several million pounds and Meghan had earned significant amounts from acting. I'd also ask how did they go from not being able to afford to furnish 2/3 bedroom Nottingham Cottage but could furnish - to what ever extent fell to them- the much bigger Frogmore Cottage.

The Queen will not have, for one second, begged Meghan about anything. While she may have advised Harry and Meghan that she shouldn't wear the Spencer tiara it will not have gone beyond a firm bit of advice (which the family will have known was an order wrapped in advice). Other than the Spencer tiara the Lovers Knott is the only other tiara the late Diana wore and it is crown property - the Queen wouldn't had to have begged Meghan not to wear it she simply won't have offered it / allowed her to.

William vetoing wedding venues - more likely he was just giving Harry a reality check. St Pauls was never going to be an option, WA was really OTT for Harry's status and I think since Edward's wedding Windsor has become the default. It seems to me Harry is taking everything William ever said as him dictating/laying down the rules etc. But surely as brothers (in better times) they will have had mere conversations where William will have offered advice and his own thoughts as friendly advice. Anyone being a little negative and suggesting against H&M's plans seems to be made out to being against them and horrible.

Likewise William saying whatever he said about Harry's beard for his wedding is 100% spot on IMO, military rules at the time said no beards so William is only being proper. I doubt it was a huge issue it is now being made in to more of a "you'll have to shave because its the rules, even Granny will say that".

The more we hear and read the more it becomes clear that the biggest issue is Harry and Meghan not getting on - for whatever reason - with William and Catherine. That seemed to spur Harry into having all these "inferior" feelings - the third wheel in the relationship, the smaller royal residence etc.

It is clear IMO that Harry is not very mentally robust at the moment and this book does give me the same feeling as when we watched Britney Spears have a breakdown back in the 00s. It feels a bit exploitative, like everyone is getting what they want from it - the book publisher, the ghost writer, the media, Netflix, but is Harry getting what we wants from it? Really? How will he feel in a few years, especially when he realises that the book is why what left of his reputation and respect for him has gone and why he will now never truly be able to reconcile with his family.

There are a number of perfectly valid points Harry raises in the book it seems but, as always seems to be the way with Harry and Meghan, the "smaller" indulgent points, the unnecessary points that only seem to cause upset to others overshadow any of them.

 

[FigTree]

Wow trying to keep up with it all is head spinning


The notion Harry and Meghan 'having to use Ikea furniture' is ridiculous. Harry had a trust fund of several million pounds and Meghan had earned significant amounts from acting. I'd also ask how did they go from not being able to afford to furnish 2/3 bedroom Nottingham Cottage but could furnish - to what ever extent fell to them- the much bigger Frogmore Cottage.

The Queen will not have, for one second, begged Meghan about anything. While she may have advised Harry and Meghan that she shouldn't wear the Spencer tiara it will not have gone beyond a firm bit of advice (which the family will have known was an order wrapped in advice). Other than the Spencer tiara the Lovers Knott is the only other tiara the late Diana wore and it is crown property - the Queen wouldn't had to have begged Meghan not to wear it she simply won't have offered it / allowed her to.

William vetoing wedding venues - more likely he was just giving Harry a reality check. St Pauls was never going to be an option, WA was really OTT for Harry's status and I think since Edward's wedding Windsor has become the default. It seems to me Harry is taking everything William ever said as him dictating/laying down the rules etc. But surely as brothers (in better times) they will have had mere conversations where William will have offered advice and his own thoughts as friendly advice. Anyone being a little negative and suggesting against H&M's plans seems to be made out to being against them and horrible.

Likewise William saying whatever he said about Harry's beard for his wedding is 100% spot on IMO, military rules at the time said no beards so William is only being proper. I doubt it was a huge issue it is now being made in to more of a "you'll have to shave because its the rules, even Granny will say that".

The more we hear and read the more it becomes clear that the biggest issue is Harry and Meghan not getting on - for whatever reason - with William and Catherine. That seemed to spur Harry into having all these "inferior" feelings - the third wheel in the relationship, the smaller royal residence etc.

It is clear IMO that Harry is not very mentally robust at the moment and this book does give me the same feeling as when we watched Britney Spears have a breakdown back in the 00s. It feels a bit exploitative, like everyone is getting what they want from it - the book publisher, the ghost writer, the media, Netflix, but is Harry getting what we wants from it? Really? How will he feel in a few years, especially when he realises that the book is why what left of his reputation and respect for him has gone and why he will now never truly be able to reconcile with his family.

There are a number of perfectly valid points Harry raises in the book it seems but, as always seems to be the way with Harry and Meghan, the "smaller" indulgent points, the unnecessary points that only seem to cause upset to others overshadow any of them.

Harry was being ‘managed’ before. People essentially looked after him and he never really lived as an independent human. What is worrying is that he actually doesn’t seam able to live, emotionally at least, as an independent human. He needs that support. He essentially needs looking after. He also appears to be of low intelligence and someone like that isn’t really equipped to stand against a whole host of people who essentially want to exploit you. To be honest this was also a huge part of Diana’s issues.

 

[tausi]

There are other similar excerpts, as Harry claiming that Meghan magically sang to seals and they sang back to her, and a very bizarre account of the day he found out his wife was pregnant and he felt his mother's presence. Apparently he also keeps a box with Diana's hair.

Omg! I think his family knew Harry’s state of mind is very fragile and a strong woman like Meghan can take advantage. I think it’s why they wanted Harry to take more time before proposing.

This is not a normal behavior at all. I hope he gets the help he needs.

 

[Saragli]

Harry Isengard strong enough to withstand the almost universal negative response this book is getting. So I do worry for him.

I agree, I am quite worried about Harry. He is a very damaged and fragile person. Even after all these years of therapy and help I fear he still hasn't found a place of peace. I am predicting a moment similar to his mother coming up were he announces he is stepping back from all public roles for a time being. At least I hope he does.

I also want to thank the other poster for encouraging empathy in how grief has affected Harry. While some of the things he does, or has done, may seem odd to some, we must remember grief is a powerful thing.

It's normal to be angry with Harry for this book, and he has made a pretty penny from it, but there is also no denying that he has made a ghastly and harmful decision with this book.

 

[tihkon2]

Harry's still laughing all the way to the bank, with his 20 million pieces of silver for telling the world about having his bottom spanked behind a pub, his frostbitten nether regions and whether or not people should share lip gloss.

And don't forget, he and William are circumcised! Thanks for letting us know Harold!

 

[Mbruno]

Somewhere I read a comment that Harry now seems to hate his brother for existing!

I don't get it...he has always known that William is the heir, and that only one person will wear the crown! Where is all the resentment coming from, when Harry has had years to learn to accept the status quo??

Things like William having a luxurious KP apartment when he had to buy IKEA furniture on Meghan's credit card seem to have surfaced only after both brothers got married. Maybe it was an inevitable consequence of Harry and William growing up and taking their expected positions within the Family (as children, they were relatively "equal" so to speak). Still, I can't help wondering how Meghan's influence on Harry contributed to this fallout in terms of convincing him that he was undervalued and that family was holding him back, which TBH I can imagine her doing.

It is also curious how Harry has built, in his mind at least, this narrative that William and Kate were not only behind the "war on Meghan", but were literally bullies who sought to control and dictate his life, e.g. what church he would get married in, whether he should shave for the wedding or not, the flower girls' dresses, etc.

 

[Alison H]

Some reaction from senior military personnel:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-64185176

Speaking to Forces News, retired-commanding officer Colonel Collins condemned the book by calling it a "tragic money-making scam".

Referring to Prince Harry's revelation that he killed 25 enemy fighters, Col Collins said: "That's not how you behave in the Army; it's not how we think.

"He has badly let the side down. We don't do notches on the rifle butt. We never did."

The ex-colonel, who gained worldwide fame for an eve-of battle speech to troops in Iraq, said: "Harry has now turned against the other family, the military, that once embraced him having trashed his birth family."

Ben McBean, who lost an arm and a leg serving with the Royal Marines in Afghanistan and was described by Prince Harry as a hero after the pair met at several events, said the royal needed to "shut up".

On referring to killed Taliban insurgents as chess pieces, Col Kemp said such comments could give "propaganda to the enemy".

He added the remarks may have undermined Prince Harry's security and could provoke people to take revenge.

"They're always looking to radicalise people and to recruit people and we've already seen how the Taliban has capitalised on it," he said.

 

[tommy100]

https://twitter.com/x/status/1611352681410605056

Well I was a Royalist until today…. Cheers #PrinceHarry You have been very badly advised I would probably say. And glad you thought through the security implications of those of us still out in #Afghanistan trying to bring about some good. #idiot #notmyprince


While I am not a fan of him, Pen Farthing is the man who managed to get the UK public and media onside for the UK military flying out dogs and cats from his shelter in Kabul during the withdrawal. A former Royal Marine Commando.

 

[FigTree]

Things like William having a luxurious KP apartment when he had to buy IKEA furniture on Meghan's credit card seem to have surfaced only after both brothers got married. Maybe it was an inevitable consequence of Harry and William growing up and taking their expected positions within the Family (as children, they were relatively "equal" so to speak). Still, I can't help wondering how Meghan's influence on Harry contributed to this fallout in terms of convincing him that he was undervalued and that family was holding him back, which TBH I can imagine her doing.

It is also curious how Harry has built, in his mind at least, this narrative that William and Kate were not only behind the "war on Meghan", but were literally bullies who sought to control and dictate his life, e.g. what church he would get married in, whether he should shave for the wedding or not, the flower girls' dresses, etc.

Who hasn’t owned IKEA furniture when they needed a quick fix or were low on money or needed stuff before moving to a more permanent place. I still have a book case I decoupaged from the first flat I rented alone. I have some really nifty cubes I keep for storage in the attic as well.

They weren’t staying in Nott Cottage. Wouldn’t it make sense to hold of investing in stuff until they had a more permanent bass. Ridiculous. And we have seen the inside of Ivy Cottage and Eugenie had it done beautifully.

 

[Moran]

But they didn't want to invest in stuff. They could have. They wanted others to invest in stuff for them while they held off their own money. Like the security thing - they have the money but they feel entitled to protection paid by others.

It's ridiculous. I just realized I needed to have a wrist watch mended. It's my only water-resistant watch and until I get it back, I'll have to either have no idea what time it is when I'm in the pool (my eyesight isn't this good and I can't see the clock on the wall) or buy another one. Just for a week or so. I already ordered the new one. I didn't expect anyone else would buy it for me so I can keep my money back for, say, a bracelet.

 

[tommy100]

Genuine question - who paid for all the furniture in Frogmore Cottage? Presumably not the Sovereign Grant who did the major structural work. So someone - either the Queen, Charles or the couple themselves paid for the furniture in that house. I doubt they bought it all second hand on Meg's credit card.

 

[duchessrachel]

I don’t understand how Harry and Meghan could have thought THIS book was a good idea. I presume Meghan did too. They’ve made it clear repeatedly how in sync they are.

I haven’t heard anything positive about it either. Mostly that it’s a hideous breach of his family’s privacy. Bitter. Nasty. Disturbing in places. TMI.

I expect Harry to distance himself from it very soon and blame it on the ghostwriter. You know nothing is ever his fault.

 

[FigTree]

Genuine question - who paid for all the furniture in Frogmore Cottage? Presumably not the Sovereign Grant who did the major structural work. So someone - either the Queen, Charles or the couple themselves paid for the furniture in that house. I doubt they bought it all second hand on Meg's credit card.

They did I presume. Someone who visited there mentioned a Loaf Sofa so they probably had what any well off families have for a relaxed family home.

He doesn’t have enough money to sustain their current lifestyle.

I expect Harry to distance himself from it very soon and blame it on the ghostwriter. You know nothing is ever his fault.

At a certain point, this and the Cut interview, you may have to admit that when these people, with no known grudge, write this stuff that they are simply reporting what they are told and what they experience.

To be honest I would be beyond devastated if this was the response I got to my book. It is an assault on self image.

 

[victor1319]

To be honest I would be beyond devastated if this was the response I got to my book. It is an assault on self image.

Well, in the realm of economy all is about profit. So, will his book sell? And how well? It looks like a mega seller! Good for his publisher...

But now, and perhaps we are at the point, where all is said and written... - What is now for Prince Harry?

I wonder if anybody of the Royal Family well ever answer his phone calls again. The Prince has literally sold out his family - for 30 million Dollar... Will this be enough until the end of his days? And I speak here not only of the money...

 

[duchessrachel]

I know what you mean.
I just hope that these leaks aren't false book details deliberately published by H. and M. team so that when the book does get out, H. and M. can accuse the BRF of leading a worldwide attack on them both.
And I hope the BRF and the court don't react to any of this until the book gets out.

I keep thinking the same thing. I keep feeling like we are all being played. I keep waiting for it to be revealed that the books that were "accidentally" sold too early are fake and that Harry and Meghan did this to "prove" press misinformation. I honestly don't see how that could be the case, but at the same time I cannot wrap my mind around how Harry could reveal all the things he has and that the ghostwriter would go along with his name being on it. IF, and that is a big if, this is all a hoax, it will make them look even worse because people don't like being made fools of.

Queen Elizabeth II would not have "begged" Meghan to wear one of her tiaras instead of one associated with Diana. There is no scenario on earth where HMQ would have begged an American actress to do anything. HMQ would suggest or politely request a range of alternatives, which is actually an instruction wrapped in a regal ribbon. HMQ even told Prince William which uniform he had to wear for his wedding so it's clear that the image portrayed was very important to her.

I so agree with you. I can't imagine a scenario where she would beg ANYBODY to do anything. I always saw her as the Boss of the Royal Family Firm and what she said was expected to be carried out.

 

[tommy100]

They did I presume. Someone who visited there mentioned a Loaf Sofa so they probably had what any well off families have for a relaxed family home.

He doesn’t have enough money to sustain their current lifestyle.

I suspect as much - so somehow they couldn't afford more than Ikea furniture for Notts Cottage but could afford to furnish the much larger Frogmore Cottage?

 

[FigTree]

I suspect as much - so somehow they couldn't afford more than Ikea furniture for Notts Cottage but could afford to furnish the much larger Frogmore Cottage?

It’s all nonsense. With one sofa costing 2k as well. I just don’t believe one word anymore. And I just keep think…what an earth are the royal family taking accountability for? I mean what are they supposed to have done. As a group?

 

[kalnel]

I find it increasingly hard to reconcile the man who once said, “there is this incessant need to find out every little bit of detail that goes on behind the scenes. It’s unnecessary,” to the man who is now detailing his last words at the Queen’s deathbed and recounting what Meghan said at Diana’s gravesite. Those type of things are so intimate and private and I think one day Harry may come to regret revealing so much. .

I haven't read the original reference, but it was clear from the real-time news on the day the Queen died that Harry arrived AFTER her death. Is he now claiming that she revived for him?

 

[TLLK]

I haven't read the original reference, but it was clear from the real-time news on the day the Queen died that Harry arrived AFTER her death. Is he now claiming that she revived for him?

No I don't believe he is making that claim. I believe he's shared what he whispered to her when he saw her remains that day.

 

[VictoriaB]

I haven't read the original reference, but it was clear from the real-time news on the day the Queen died that Harry arrived AFTER her death. Is he now claiming that she revived for him?

No, he’s saying that when he saw her body after he arrived that is what he said to her. As Purr mentioned in his/her moving post above, it’s not unusual for some bereaved to speak to the dead as if they are still alive.