Diana's Relationships with The Queen and Other Members of the Royal Family

[hudsonm]

At the time of her death, relationships were probably in a good state. With the Queen and Charles that is.

 

[PrincessKaimi]

I don't know any mature 19-20 year olds (and I've been teaching that age group since 1979). They think they are mature, that's for sure, but one needs to protect and baby them (it seems to me) or else they fall apart. Perhaps this was not the case in the early 20th century, but Diana seems to me to have been a normal (neither immature nor mature) 19-20 year old.

Virtually all of them (whether they've served in the military, had difficult lives, etc.) are very naive/immature compared to a 27-30 year old. The twenties are an amazing decade.

Diana always reminds me a lot of my sister (same age) who is also always scapegoating everybody around her, for her misconceptions about how life works. The body language, not wanting to conform, etc.

When I look at the early interviews and pictures of their early years together, I'm sure they where happy enough and tried to make it work. But I fear with characters like hers it's difficult ... and I presume that also Charles has edges and difficult sides

The Queen knows full well, that it's not easy to be a royal - to do s.o. duty etc. so of course she cared for Diana, who was the daughter and granddaughter of a friend

Your sister sounds quite likable. And you sound rather like you're projecting your own family situation onto someone else's.

 

[XeniaCasaraghi]

I know some mature 19/20yr olds but Diana was definitely not one of them. She seemed to have the maturity and emotional level of a 14yr old.

 

[camelot23ca]

I also forgot to add that by attacking the monarchy she was also attacking her children's legacy. I am pretty sure she didn't think about that.

Hands down, this has always been the most confusing part of Diana's actions for me. I find it difficult to reconcile the adoring mother that virtually everyone who came into contact with her says she was with some of the things she did that were obviously designed to damage the monarchy. I think her perspective was off - instead of seeing herself realistically, as a small part of an institution that was ultimately much bigger than one person, no matter how popular, she over estimated her personal importance to the whole endeavor. I think that would be an easy thing to do given the amount of public attention and adoration she was given.

 

[XeniaCasaraghi]

I'm pretty sure it was said somewhere in this thread that Diana believed her own press. I also recall reading that William was angry at his mother for the Panorama interview. I think Diana had a tendency to jump into situations and not think them out or think about how they would affect those around her.

 

[Zonk]

Without a doubt....Diana acted without thinking.

Even in her leaked letters, both the Queen and Prince Phillip showed some concern. Unfortunately, they didn't know how to help her. Her actions were certainly a cry for help...its a shame we wasn't open for constructive criticism. But that I mean she wasn't open to hear what people had to say...the good and the bad. Someone certainly said that Panorama interview wasn't a good idea...but she failed to listen to them.

 

[kelly1994]

I am no part of the Princess Di generation, she died when I was three years old and I don't understand a lot of the references made to her but I really like going through and reading the threads about her and hearing such diverse opinions about her. I can't believe so much press was made over one woman who married into royalty. Whenever my mother talks about her says how Princess Diana became a symbol of kindness.

From reading this thread it sounds like there was really nobody who held sole blame over the relationships between her and the royal family, it was really everybody's fault. Just the way things are.

 

[Mermaid1962]

Agreed. Families are complicated, and Royal families are more complicated than most.

From reading this thread it sounds like there was really nobody who held sole blame over the relationships between her and the royal family, it was really everybody's fault. Just the way things are.

 

[IloveCP]

What was her relationship like with Princess Margaret?The media lets it look like they hated each other but of course you can't always trust the media.

 

[Zonk]

I believe that pre Andrew Morton book, Panaroma interview --- Diana and Margaret had a good relationship....I believe that Diana said she adored Margaret and had a good relationship with Sarah, Margaret's daughter.

Post Andrew Morton, Panaroma interview ---- the relationship was pretty much not there. Margaret took the book and the interview as a betrayal of the BRF. She was pretty much done. Didn't she write Diana a nasty letter letting her know so?

 

[IloveCP]

I never heard anything about a letter.

 

[XeniaCasaraghi]

Don't know if any member of the royal family hated Diana, but I do think they disliked her and lost respect for her and recognized that she couldn't be trusted. I recall reading that during the 90s the Queen always had a 3rd party in the room when talking to Diana because she had a habit of rewritting what had occurred during their meetings.

 

[Mermaid1962]

I can believe that. Diana could have bucked meeting her soon-to-be-ex-husband that way, but she couldn't buck the Queen.

I recall reading that during the 90s the Queen always had a 3rd party in the room when talking to Diana because she had a habit of rewritting what had occurred during their meetings.

 

[Whitetiger]

I've generally found that it takes 2 or more people to have an argument.

I personally feel that it's reasonable to conclude that all parties involved (Diana, Charles, Camilla, the rest of the BRF) all share equal responsibility for that mess.

Reasons: Lack of maturity, lack of communication, lack of fidelity, inflexibility, the list goes on and on.

 

[nascarlucy]

I don't think Princess Diana liked or cared much for Princess Ann. I would guess that her contact with Princess Ann was minimal.

 

[Zonk]

I don't think Princess Diana liked or cared much for Princess Ann. I would guess that her contact with Princess Ann was minimal.

On the contrary, I have read that Diana respected Anne very much especially as it related to her work (with Save the Children and other royal engagements). I think Anne tolerated Diana has her brother's wife as they didnt' have the same interests. I think they had enough contact when the family got together.There are certainly pics of Zara and Peter hanging with Diana, William and Harry.

Let's face its not uncommon for siblings not to be super chummy with the husband/wife. You either like them, don't like them or tolerate them. Unlike your spouse, you get to like/love them on a curve (i.e spending family dinners/events with them...getting to them know them after the main relationship has started, etc.) Now there are certainly those that are close to their inlaws but not everyone is so lucky.

 

[IloveCP]

The media made it look like Anne and Diana hated each other.They even claimed Anne was "jealous"of all the attention she got.

But who knows...

 

[Daria_S]

I remember reading somewhere (maybe it was even on this forum) that Diana got along with Andrew and Edward. I can see how that would be possible, since they were all close in age.

 

[HRHHermione]

The media made it look like Anne and Diana hated each other.They even claimed Anne was "jealous"of all the attention she got.

But who knows...

That doesn't seem like Princess Anne's style. I can see her rolling her eyes at some of Diana's emotional displays and I can see her not understanding why Diana had such a hard time adjusting- after all, it's the only life Anne knows- but I can't see her being jealous.

If Anne had wanted that kind of attention, she surely could have generated it. She chooses not to, like most of the royal family. If anything, I can see her being annoyed at having to deal with the crazy media attention that accompanied Diana's joining the royal family.

 

[Mermaid1962]

In a way, Charles and Diana were the perfect example of how NOT to make a marriage work...sadly enough.

I personally feel that it's reasonable to conclude that all parties involved (Diana, Charles, Camilla, the rest of the BRF) all share equal responsibility for that mess.

Reasons: Lack of maturity, lack of communication, lack of fidelity, inflexibility, the list goes on and on.

 

[Tyger]

If she wasn't capable of making those decisions then she was let down by her family who supported her in making the decision to accept Charles' proposal. They presumably felt she was emotionally as well as legally adult enough to make a decision to get married.

I have read that both her own father and her grandmother - Lady Fermoy - expressed regrets later, after the marriage had occurred and broken down, that they had not spoken up about Diana's problems and blocked the marriage. A very sad state of affairs revealed there. It seems her family did realize that Diana had issues that might preclude marriage into the Royal family but they said nothing.

Diana was clever and intelligent enough to lead Charles into believing she liked the things he liked - to lead him to believe that she shared his interests and would be a good companion for him. That takes a certain savvy - a definite canniness. She had enough intelligence and goal-directed emotional behavior to have misled a man in that way - so in all ways that matter she was adult and capable of making life decisions - hence, old enough to marry. However, she was not well-educated and her life experience was minimal. (In retrospect, her virgin-status might not have been remarkable, but her lack of real experience of males by her age should have been a red flag). In fact, she was abysmally educated - demonstrating very little ability to integrate into new situations and roll with an agenda not her own. Her imagination seems to have begun and ended where her wants and desires manifested. Charles' attempts to broaden her intellectual horizons were rebuffed and she turned the tables - camouflaging her inability to master complex thinking into ridicule of Charles' pursuits. She exhibited immaturity not just at her marriage but far into the marriage, after motherhood and 'seasoning' in the Royal life. Diana's 'immaturity' does not appear to be a function of her age, her youth, at any given time. Something else was operating.

With Diana, its not about being 19/20 - its about the peculiar lack of depth in her background and education that made her 'unusual'. As the saying goes, there was no 'there' there. And what was actually there - even concerned her father and grandmother enough for them to later express regrets at not having said anything. They knew, they saw.

But saying all the foregoing also points to another fact - the 'immaturity' in how Charles (the BRF) 'chose' or vetted the POW's future wife. It defies understanding when one really looks at how it occurred - and the impossible, arcane 'conditions' placed upon the candidate. So immaturity begat immaturity. The chickens came home to roost. It is like the BRF was caught in-between times old and new and failed to adapt soon enough. In many ways, Charles was the victim - the one trying to adhere to the expectations at the same time trying to make it personally work. Hence, the result - marriage to a woman canny enough to keep herself 'tidy' because that was all that mattered - or so it seemed at the time. However, I wonder if Charles had made an issue of it and said he must marry 'whoever' no matter how 'experienced' - what might have been the outcome.

 

[olebabs]

Dear Tyger,

I agree to some extend to your opinion, but Charles and Diana was, in my point of view, merely pawns in a chess game. But I also think, that a big part of their problems stem from Charles never having to consider anyone elses wants or needs but his own. I think, that to some extend, that Diana was just ment to do the same, and not to ask questions.
I also think, that it is why it never occured to him, that she might need some time to adjust.

On the other hand, I believe that he has/had a lot of respect for her as a mother, for giving their children a childhood so very different from his own.

 

[nascarlucy]

Perhaps members of Diana's family thought that once she got married, any issues she had would resolve themselves or she would overcome these issues. Or perhaps that these issues wouldn't become major issues. Some people when they married, become more mature, more rounded in life and overcome issues that they may have. If they are in a happy marriage, it's more likely that this would occur. From what Princess Diana and Prince Charles have said, the marriage was hardly a happy one.

 

[Warren]

Before we get too far down this track, a reminder that the thread topic is 'Diana's relationships with the Queen and other members of the Royal Family' which isn't code for an analysis of what went wrong in the marriage of Charles and Diana.

thanks

Warren
British Forums moderator

 

[Mirabel]

I remember reading somewhere (maybe it was even on this forum) that Diana got along with Andrew and Edward. I can see how that would be possible, since they were all close in age.

How much did she see of them in reality? Yes, they were childhood playmates, but after they were grown (even after Diana married into the family) they were seldom photographed in each other's company. I'd be surprised if she saw anything of them other than at various royal events like Trooping the Colour.

 

[Zonk]

Just because they were not photographed out and about together doesn't mean they didnt' see each other. It just means there are no pictures to document it. I would think that Diana had more of a relationship with Andrew as she and Sarah were friends and saw each other quite a bit, while Andrew was at sea. I wouldn't think that Diana was particularly close to Edward in the same way.

Also, like most families who have busy schedules (work, family, etc.) you see each other when schedules permit. Add to the fact that by 91, both Andrew/Sarah and Charles/Diana had personal issues going on in their marriages in addition to raising two children apiece.

 

[Mermaid1962]

Diana was three years older than Edward, and this was a considerable age difference when she became the Princess of Wales at a barely-there 20. So I think it's more likely that she was closer to Andrew at least during the early 80s. Diana spoke fondly of Andrew in HER TRUE STORY in saying that she thought that there was more to him than was appreciated.

I would think that Diana had more of a relationship with Andrew as she and Sarah were friends and saw each other quite a bit, while Andrew was at sea. I wouldn't think that Diana was particularly close to Edward in the same way.

 

[Aliza]

Diana was three years older than Edward, and this was a considerable age difference when she became the Princess of Wales at a barely-there 20. So I think it's more likely that she was closer to Andrew at least during the early 80s. Diana spoke fondly of Andrew in HER TRUE STORY in saying that she thought that there was more to him than was appreciated.

I don't know how Diana's relationship with Andrew compared with hers with Edward, but in "The Housekeeper's Diary", Wendy Berry wrote that Edward visited more than any other member of the RF in her early days at Highgrove, which really surprised me. I don't know how much trust can be put in former staff's "memoirs", but I do remember how several revelations she made were later confirmed by Diana and/or Charles in their respective television interviews.

 

[Mermaid1962]

I wouldn't be surprised if Edward might have had a bit of a crush on his sister-in-law, actually. She was a very pretty, friendly young woman.

I don't know how Diana's relationship with Andrew compared with hers with Edward, but in "The Housekeeper's Diary", Wendy Berry wrote that Edward visited more than any other member of the RF in her early days at Highgrove, which really surprised me.

 

[nascarlucy]

It's possible that pictures were taken on these get togethers and kept private (within the family). I would imagine not every get together of the royal family was photographed for public viewing or made public.