Personally, it's never been an either/or question for me. There are some who are very pro Charles and Camilla and think that Diana was Evil Incarnate, and there are those who see Diana as the helpless victim of nefarious plots by the Big Bad Establishment/Palace. I find both extreme positions rather annoying.
Well neither extreme is correct and it annoys me too. But it's the perceived personal connection that draws out the defensive nature from both sides.
To me, everyone was petty and ridiculous at some point in the debacle...like we have all made mistakes in stressful situations. It's not who deserves the blame to me, more trying to understand the situation.
The Queen and other members of the family, in my opinion, did not provide Diana with much support. And it's not an attack, I understand why they didn't. Because that's not how they were raised. Reading and hearing about their lives, it seems like they were pretty much told to suck it up when things weren't going well. I mean Philip lost both his parents, he and the Queen endured a world war, bombings, rationing, stressing about whether your country would be invaded by Nazis and you would be killed. Prince Charles and his siblings had to grow up with their parents being distant or sometimes not around at all. They all had gone through hard times and it must have been frustrating to have Diana complain about life at Balmoral or protocol with the Queen. Even though to her these were legitimate concerns, to them it must have seemed ridiculous.
Though they may not have understood her, I think they should have tried to accomodate her concerns somewhat. And who knows, maybe they did try and she just wanted everything her way. However, the Queen being much more lenient with Kate's entry into the family by allowing her to remain close to her own family during the holidays and helping her navigate through her first few years with the RF tells me that the Queen recognizes that it is better sometimes to have a form of compromise when it comes to transitioning between the life brides used to have and the new one they must accept.
It's difficult with a marriage because family members are put in an awkward position where they want to sympathize with the aggrieved party, but also remain loyal to their family member. Though mistakes were made during the marriage, and perhaps taking Charles' side may have been wrong. In my opinion, Diana crossed a different line when she went on TV to discuss their problems. That wasn't just a hit against Charles, that was an attack on the entire family whether she meant it as such or not. She may not have wanted to hurt the monarchy, but quite frankly, what else did she expect would happen when she told the public their dirty little secrets.
She may have been working through her own emotions and I can understand that. However, once Diana took such a public stand and damaged the position of the BRF --something that the Queen and the rest of the family had dedicated their lives to promoting-- I can't see how a relationship with the family could have been maintained.
But this isn't another culture, it's the British. The photographers weren't following her for the fun of it, they were following because her pictures were worth so much money precisely because of the public interest in her. 
