Diana's Friends, Lovers and Bodyguards

[Skippy]

Diana as well could NEVER give and care. She was as ME FIRST as the family you mentioned. Unless she married a 70-year old billionaire with 3 exes ad 5 kids, who has absolutely nothing to expect from her except for being an arm-candy, no marriage would have been "wonderful" with her..

And you know all this how?

 

[cepe]

I tend to agree with Vkrish post #300.

Diana responded in a positive way when meeting patients, landmine victims, homeless and in return she received uncritical "love". Children give unconditional love and she responded in a the same way.

Adult relationships are not just about romantic love; they come with the give and take, patience, disagreements, humour, talking, interests, problems, sex, and ultimately compromise.

I don't think she really understood that and the fact that she fell for men with high levels of commitment to other interests - royal duties, medicine, military - was always going to cause her issues. Dodi's interest seemed to be just her. Which may have been working but the irony is, I think she would have got bored.

JMO from a distance. I have never "followed" Diana but I don't dislike her either.

 

[Binny2]

Diana relating to others

I agree with Vkrish. I don't think Diana was able to have relationships with people with whom she was on a equal basis. She demanded 100% control of the relationship. Otherwise, she would end it with no discussion or give any reason to the other person what they had done to earn her ire.

And sometimes, she would go on a vendetta against the other person. She was a dangerous enemy. Look at what happened to Charles. I think she couldn't tolerate being rejected and began a vicious campaign against him.

She was also awful to the people who worked for her. They had no true loyalty to her as a result. Patrick Jephson painted her in a very negative light.

 

[Queen Camilla]

IMO, she wasn't in love with Dr. Khan, she just wanted a daughter.

Jemima's said Diana wanted to marry Khan and have a daughter.

Would she had been happy if she had another son or two?

Dr. Khan hadn't proposed but Diana was already making wedding plans.

Did she take into consideration his feelings/wishes?

 

[Warren]

The broader context is infatuation with an intense focus (scarily intense as Oliver Hoare discovered). I'm sure there was more to Diana's interest in Dr Khan than just the desire for a daughter - that's too much an over-simplification where the real issues were much more complex. Dr Khan healed people - Diana found that extremely attractive. Combine the healer with "I want to be the Queen of peoples' hearts" and the request to Tony Blair for a non-defined unrestricted roving ambassador-type role and a whole new perspective opens. Hmm... Interesting stuff.

 

[Binny2]

She must of known that it wouldn't work out with Khan. He was a cardiothoracic surgeon. You don't become that type of doctor easily. And he was still in training when she met him. I am sure he was completely absorbed with his work, but couldn't resist having an affair with her. It is interesting that he was in his mid-30s and hadn't married yet. IMO, he wasn't a nice guy. He led her on for 2-3 years knowing he had no intention of marrying her. Poor Diana totally fell for him.

She had a sad ability to pick unavailable men, unsuitable men.

 

[Isabella]

She may have known on some level that it wasn't practical, but love/infatuation often overrides such considerations, and Diana seemed particularly inclined to get carried away with such things, I think.

It would've been difficult, I think, for her to find someone who was suitable, because of who she was.

 

[Binny2]

I suppose her choices including nice aristocratic men but maybe it would have been too close to Charles.
A billionaire like Ted Forstmann would have been awful. She would have been reduced to being a trophy wife.

 

[Mirabel]

I just can't accept Khan as the love of Diana's life (oversimplification, as someone said).
I think he was just another fantasy figure for her, and in the end she realized they wouldn't work out.

(That's why I'm not looking forward to the movie, but I will probably see it anyway).

 

[NGalitzine]

Did she ever figure out that the relationship wouldnt work or was it just a case of him figuring out she would not fit in his world and breaking it off, and her attempts to keep it going not working on him. There were suggestions that she was just using Dodi to try and make the doctor jealous.

 

[vkrish]

IMO, he wasn't a nice guy. He led her on for 2-3 years knowing he had no intention of marrying her. Poor Diana totally fell for him.
She had a sad ability to pick unavailable men, unsuitable men.

Why should we think only from one side..
Maybe Khan made it clear right from beginning that they cannot marry, and still Diana was okay with that, and wanted them to be together as long as they can be.. And then they realised after a while that its done and over..
And for your last point, if someone in late 30s cant figure out who is unavailable/unsuitable for them, after a marriage and half dozen flings,I guess they can never figure out for their entire life.

Did she ever figure out that the relationship wouldnt work or was it just a case of him figuring out she would not fit in his world and breaking it off, and her attempts to keep it going not working on him. There were suggestions that she was just using Dodi to try and make the doctor jealous.

I guess we ll never know. One thing I am sure is he will definitely have the common sense to figure out that her "angel princess" (not just celebrity) status will no way fit into his profession.
Did Diana ever realise this? Or did he manage to convince her? Or did he simply dump her..they both only knows.
As for the "suggestions"..No I dont believe them. Its just the die-hard romantics in most of us who automatically makes up these things..
There were many people who made cards depicting Diana and Dodi as "immortal" lovers when she died..Its similar to that..
Its all our fantasy, etching out a wonderful story with our favourite characters..

 

[COUNTESS]

Who knows what is true? None of us. Maybe, none of them. The time has past, a long time ago. She is dead for many years, what was said between them will never be for us to know.

 

[scooter]

You are raising a totally different point..
Holding a stranger's hand for a moment and expressing sympathy is totally different from living in a marriage with a person lifelong, understanding, caring and supporting him..

How so a different point? You said "Diana could NEVER give and care. She was as ME FIRST as the family you mentioned". That is a sweeping statement, not limited to her romantic relationships. Clearly the Princess demonstrated that she was in fact able to give and care.

 

[Binny2]

Why should we think only from one side..
Maybe Khan made it clear right from beginning that they cannot marry, and still Diana was okay with that, and wanted them to be together as long as they can be.. And then they realised after a while that its done and over..
And for your last point, if someone in late 30s cant figure out who is unavailable/unsuitable for them, after a marriage and half dozen flings,I guess they can never figure out for their entire life.

Good point. She had perennial poor judgment. Every man was a little worse than the previous one.

 

[Dman]

I think Diana would've found love in her life at some point. She had just came out of a divorce and I think it may have taken her some time but I think she would've been re-married by now.

Who knows, she may have found love up in Heaven and is very happy.

 

[COUNTESS]

We don't know anything. She was married to the most "Me First" person in the world. And she did have poor judgment, otherwise she would have fled from her marriage to a man who had a mistress, he, actually, loved and still does. It is not his fault, he was raised to think who could have both.

 

[nascarlucy]

I think Diana was always looking for someone who would meet her needs emotionally. Maybe she would have found this in her life if she had lived but who knows. Seemed like there was always circumstances which didn't make this possible.

A lot of women have friends that go back to childhood, school or when they were a young adult (18-24 years old). Diana friends seem to come and go in her life sort of like a revolving door and she didn't really try to make friends in Prince Charles's circle. They weren't a constant, it seems.

 

[Isabella]

I think Diana was always looking for someone who would meet her needs emotionally. Maybe she would have found this in her life if she had lived but who knows. Seemed like there was always circumstances which didn't make this possible.

A lot of women have friends that go back to childhood, school or when they were a young adult (18-24 years old). Diana friends seem to come and go in her life sort of like a revolving door and she didn't really try to make friends in Prince Charles's circle. They weren't a constant, it seems.

Well, Diana was so young when she got engaged to Charles, she didn't really have many young adult years to really establish some of those kinds of relationships (and her childhood/school years seem to have been kind of erratic). And Charles's circle were older, and she didn't really have much in common with them. It can be difficult to make lasting friends who you can trust when you're thrust into such a prominent position so young. But yes, she also had the issue of her friends not really being constant, in the sense that she was often on the "outs" with somebody for a period of time, but I think such things were usually temporary. I think it was hard for her to form mature/healthy relationships with people and, looking at her childhood, I can kind of understand.

 

[US Royal Watcher]

We don't know anything. She was married to the most "Me First" person in the world. And she did have poor judgment, otherwise she would have fled from her marriage to a man who had a mistress, he, actually, loved and still does. It is not his fault, he was raised to think who could have both.

I agree we don't don't know what happened. I don't believe Charles had a mistress from the start of the marriage and, since Diana never claimed to walk in on them, she really didn't know either. They both seemed "me first,' but Charles a little less than she was. Charles was able to refrain from attacking her publicly because he, unlike Diana, put William and Harry first.

Regarding Hasnat Khan, I agree with Warren that a lot of the attraction was that he was a doctor. Diana really wanted him to establish a clinic in Africa or Pakistan, which she would try and use in order to her maintain her image as a humanitarian.

I don't think it would have worked for Diana to go with him to a third world country, even after Harry turned 18. Very few people can maintain that level of commitment, even if they don't have a mental illness. I think she did better fundraising and drop by visits. She raised a lot of money and made a few people feel very special.

If she had lived but hadn't married Khan, I still think that there would have been a lot of suitable men for Diana. A lot of wealthy people, athletes, actors, businessmen, aristocrats, etc..., would have enjoyed the attention she attracted. Look at the Fayeds.

I like to think that she would have sought help for her illness and then settled down with a great man and found some measure of happiness. Her life wouldn't have been perfect, but I think she could have found a niche in the world when she realized that she really needed self-confidence, not adoration from people she didn't know.

 

[NGalitzine]

She seemed to be attracted to men she could not have either because they were already married to other women which did not seem to bother her or because they had busy lives that did not allow them to devote themselves 24/7 to her. An emotionally needy woman who required constant reassurance from everyone around her.

 

[COUNTESS]

Really, Camilla was in his life long before Diana. The pictures in his diary, falling out, the cufflinks, come on. Camilla never worried about Diana, thought she was a nothing. Didn't realize she would steal the show. And his putting William and Harry first is quite amusing. I do not question that he loved them. Her largest failing was that she could not accept being number 2, to his mistress. And Camilla was not just the mistress, but the love of his life. She was, always, non-negotiable. And, too bad for them. They really love each other. But had Diana played her cards correctly, she would still be alive, I assume, she would still be the Princess of Wales, and Charles would still be skulking out to see his mistress on Sundays and other odd days. Many other Princesses have done that, turned a blind eye, too bad. I, believe, she received that advice from her mother-in-law. She was just too insecure to live that way, if one thinks that is acceptable.

 

[NGalitzine]

But she herself did not seem to mind being the "other woman" since she carried on affairs with married men. One wonders if she ever thought of the wives of the men she was sleeping with.

 

[camelot23ca]

I think Diana would've found love in her life at some point. She had just came out of a divorce and I think it may have taken her some time but I think she would've been re-married by now.

Who knows, she may have found love up in Heaven and is very happy.

I like to think she would have, too. Diana was at a disadvantage on so many levels when it came to relationships. She didn't have the example of a strong marriage with her own parents to use as a reference, and she was married so young she never got the chance to grow as an individual before becoming a wife. Those are significant handicaps, and that's before you add in the weird nature of the marriage and the never ending public and media attention.

That being said, plenty of people with less than stellar prior relationships find stable, loving partners eventually.

 

[Iluvbertie]

Camilla was in his life 'before Diana' no question but no one involved, including Diana, have ever claimed she was there throughout the marriage - only Diana's fans claim that despite the evidence of Diana and Charles' own words - Diana dates Charles' return to Camilla to about 1986 while Charles admits it was after the marriage had 'irretrevably broken down'.
.

 

[Osipi]

Camilla was in his life 'before Diana' no question but no one involved, including Diana, have ever claimed she was there throughout the marriage - only Diana's fans claim that despite the evidence of Diana and Charles' own words - Diana dates Charles' return to Camilla to about 1986 while Charles admits it was after the marriage had 'irretrevably broken down'.

Since Camilla met Charles in the 70s, their relationship has had many different facets. Its hard to just pin the term "mistress" on Camilla as that gives the impression that they were forever entangled in a love tryst during all that time. I sincerely do not believe that is the way it was. Most authors that have written on the subject have used the term "confidante" more freely than "mistress". There is no doubt in my mind that their friendship was a close, intimate one. Tom Parker-Bowles in an interview recalls that as kids, they were always told that "Sir" is coming over and goes on to say how "Sir" to him feels more like an affectionate nickname rather than how the general public would call Charles "Sir" out of respect for who he was. Charles was close with all the Parker-Bowles family in the earlier years and not just Camilla.

I do believe though that Diana felt threatened by the closeness of Camilla and Charles' friendship. She felt threatened by anyone that had a close relationship with Charles. She felt that she was the third wheel in a relationship and due to this, she not only had Charles drop quite a few people from his personal circle to letting go some of the staff that worked closely with Charles. As been stated, this is a definite example of the "me first" attitude. Although Diana and Charles, to me, were very happy and content with their marriage early on, without the common interests and willingness to compromise with each other and ability to work with each other the chances of that close intimate "best friends in the world" bond never had a chance to develop between them and soon what was good in their marriage wasn't enough to cement a lasting bond between the two of them. As the marriage disintegrated instead of growing stronger, its easy for both sides to simply find fault with each other rather than have that closeness that makes them want to compromise and work with each other to find a solution together. As stated, when the marriage " irretrievably" broke down, they both sought what had been missing.

Charles resumed his friendship with Camilla which had survived the years of absence and separation and it grew into a full bloom romance and Diana sought what she felt was missing and sadly never found it.

Relationships between two people are very complex and its not a given that what one feels at the beginning will be the same in 10 years. It takes constant work and nurturing on a day to day basis and a lot of gives and takes and ups and downs and weird trips sideways and upside down to grow. Charles and Diana just never found the formula to get them both through this together.

The blessing is that although Charles and Diana didn't make their relationship work, the lessons learnt from the fiasco that was their marriage did benefit William and Kate I think. Looking at those two, we see that the close intimate friendship they have that is a solid foundation to build a strong marriage on. There's no guarantee that it'll all be a bed of roses from here on out and they'll have their "I love you but I don't like you too much right now" days but they've got a strong tool that will aid them to work anything out.

And so it goes.......

 

[US Royal Watcher]

Osipi, I agree with your excellent post but I fear we are getting off topic. The issue is how Diana's "me first" attitude (which was evident in her public trashing of the father of her children, despite seeing how much it hurt them) impacted Diana's search for happiness.

The problem is that Diana was so insecure that she believed that she needed constant validation from other people. But getting her picture on the front page of the papers was only a temporary balm. Meeting members of the public who were thrilled to be in the same room for a few minutes was also a temporary balm.

She really needed to address her own demons before she entered into a new relationship. I've read she was on anti-depression drugs towards the end of her life, which probably helped control her bulimia, but the illness remained. Accepting that she wasn't perfect--and that it is okay not to be perfect--would have been a major step forward.

It would have been a hard road, but with professional counseling and the support of family and friends, she could have done it. I believe that Charles and the rest of the royal family would have been supportive because they wanted to see her happy.

It would have been a lifelong battle for her, but she needed to let go of the expectation that life needed to be perfect. Once she accepted that she was a wonderful person and didn't need constant attention and validation from the outside world, I think she would have been able to find a loving, decent man to live out her life. She would have been able to accomplish even more once she stopped using charity work to get headlines and prop up her self esteem.

 

[Mirabel]

Good point. She had perennial poor judgment. Every man was a little worse than the previous one.

Yes!! I've always thought the same thing.

With Dodi Fayed, I felt she was truly scraping the bottom of the barrel. But even before that, her choices were bizarre.

Many men seemed to see her as a trophy; I can't think of a single one with whom she could have had a deep, loving relationship (and that goes double for Khan, because there is something very creepy about him. I suspect he's a narcissist of the first rank).

 

[Osipi]

Personally I think the way it all played out with Dodi was pure machinations of the part of his father to further his own interest. Dodi at the time was engaged to someone else in the States and this romance between Dodi and Diana I think was way overplayed although Dodi did have a penchant for being a player and probably did whatever Daddy said to do as Daddy had a big purse. But that's just my take on it. When you think about it, Daddy swore they were going to get engaged but when you think about it, it reality, Diana knew Dodi for even a shorter period than she originally knew Charles. Daddy al Fayed had a lifelong dream of fitting into the cream of the crop in British aristocracy and never could get his foot in the door. Talk about using Diana as a trophy, this would take the cake in my book.

As far as Haznat Khan goes, I do believe the man was genuine and probably really did have feelings for Diana but also realized just how different she was from his world. I think a major difference between Khan and some of the others that Diana was involved with is that he wasn't in awe of her. Several of the lovers that Diana did have started in the position of serving The Princess of Wales in some form. Hewitt as riding instructor for example. Khan didn't fall into that mold and most likely saw Diana as Diana herself rather than the title or the positions she held. In fact, if I am not mistaken, he abhorred all the glitz and glamor and attention Diana received from the public.
.

 

[US Royal Watcher]

I don't know much about Hasnat Khan, but I don't think one can say he is a narcissist. A narcissist would welcome media attention and probably would not open a clinic to treat poor cardiac patients in Pakistan. I agree that Diana choose to involve herself with Hasnat Khan even though the relationship was doomed to fail.

I don't know why she was attracted to Dodi Fayed. It does seem like scraping the bottom of the barrel. I wonder if she used Fayed to not only make Khan jealous, but to get people "used" to the idea that she was with a Muslim. I don't know how to explain it but Fayed was unsuitable in so many ways that she may have hoped people would accept Khan as a step up and not focused on his religion.

Regardless, some people blame her poor choices on her upbringing and Charles, but she was 36 years old and had been separated for more than 5 years. Life is short. At some point, she needed to stop blaming her parent's divorce and the royal family for her poor choices and take responsibility for her own decisions.
.

 

[US Royal Watcher]

...Khan didn't fall into that mold and most likely saw Diana as Diana herself rather than the title or the positions she held. In fact, if I am not mistaken, he abhorred all the glitz and glamor and attention Diana received from the public.

Interesting take Osipi, but I wonder how well Khan actually knew the real Diana. They couldn't have spent that much time together because he was busy, and although the media followed her constantly, they were able to keep their relationship secret. I suspect that they really didn't spend that much time alone together and she was able to project an image of herself, as she had when she dated Charles. There certainly were cracks in the façade because Tina Brown says she called him constantly, but I'm not sure she let him see the real her.