Loving him means she has the hard task of doing whatever is necessary for him to get well and be a productive member of society. I don’t envy her situation, and I can sympathize that he or both have experienced trauma, but we all have to various degrees. I also understand that we don’t all have the same coping mechanisms or resilience, but you are never allowed to hurt people no matter what your justification is or might be. Once is a mistake. Twice you need to be watched. A third is showing a pattern that needs to be rectified, and if not, here we are.