Diana's Speeches and Quotes

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Speech given by Diana, Princess of Wales on "Eating Disorders"
27th April 1993


Ladies and Gentlemen


I have it, on very good authority, that the quest for perfection our society demands can leave the individual gasping for breath at every turn.


This pressure inevitably extends into the way we look. And of course, many would like to believe that Eating Disorders are merely an expression of female vanity - not being able to get into a size ten dress and the consequent frustrations!


From the beginning of time the human race has had a deep and powerful relationship with food - if you eat you live, if you don't you die. Eating food has always been about survival, but also about caring for and nurturing the ones we love. However, with the added stresses of modern life, it has now become an expression of how we feel about ourselves and how we want others to feel about us.


Eating Disorders, whether it be Anorexia or Bulimia, show how an individual can turn the nourishment of the body into a painful attack on themselves and they have at their core a far deeper problem than mere vanity. And sadly, Eating Disorders are on the increase at a disturbing rate, affecting a growing number of men and women and a growing number of children.


Our knowledge of Eating Disorders is still in its infancy. But it seems, from those I have spoken to that the seeds of this dis-ease may lie in childhood and the self doubts and uncertainties that accompany adolescence. From early childhood many had felt they were expected to be perfect, but didn't feel they had the right to express their true feelings to those around them - feelings of guilt of self revulsion and low personal esteem. Creating in them a compulsion to 'disolve like a disprin' and disappear.


The illness they developed became their 'shameful friend'. By focussing their energies on controlling their bodies, they had found a 'refuge' from having to face the more painful issues at the centre of their lives. A way of 'coping', albeit destructivly and pointlessly, but a way of coping with a situation they were finding unbearable. An 'expression' of how they felt about themselves and the life they were living.


On a recent visit to 'The Great Ormond Street Hospital for Sick Children' I met some young people who were suffering from Eating Disorders. With the help of some very dedicated staff, they and their parents, were bravely learning to face together the deeper problems, which had been expressed through their dis - ease.


With time and patience and a considerable amount of specialist support, many of these young people will get well. They and their families will learn to become whole again. Sadly, for others it will all be too late. Yes, people are dying through Eating Disorders.


Yet all of us can help prevent the seeds of this dis - ease developing. As parents, teachers, family and friends, we have an obligation to care for our children. To encourage and guide, to nourish and nurture and to listen with love to their needs, in ways which clearly show our children that we value them. They in their turn will then learn how to value themselves.


For those already suffering from Eating Disorders, how can we reach them earlier, before its too late?


Here in Britain organisations such as 'The Eating Disorders Association' are currently being swamped with enquiries and requests for support and advice, so overwhelming is the need for help.
Yet with greater awareness and more information these people, who are locked into a spiral of secret despair, can be reached before the dis-ease takes over their lives. The longer it is before help reaches them, the greater the demand on limited resources and the less likely it is they will fully recover.


I am certain the ultimate solution lies within the individual. But with the help and patient nurturing given by you the professionals, family and friends, people suffering from Eating Disorders can find a better way of coping with their lives. By learning to deal with their problems directly in a safe and supportive environment.


Over the next three days, this International Conference, has the opportunity to explore further the causes of Eating Disorders and to find new avenues of help for those suffering from this 'incapacitating dis - ease'.


I look forward to hearing about your progress and hope you are able to find the most 'beneficial' way of giving back to these people their self esteem. To show them how to overcome their difficulties and re-direct their energies towards a healthier, happier life.

 

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Speech given by Diana, Princess of Wales on "Women and Mental Health"
1st June 1993



Women and Mental Health. Where do we start?


From those I have spoken to through my work with 'Turning Point', the beginning seems to be that women in our society are seen as the carers - the ones who can cope. Whatever life throws at them - they will always cope.


On call twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, whether their children are sick, their husbands are out of work or their parents are old and frail and need attending - they will cope. They will cook and clean, go out to work, attend to the needs of those around them - and they will cope.


They may be suffering themselves, from post natal depression, violence in the home or struggling in a daze of exhaustion and stress to make ends meet - but they will cope.


Strangely, it is women themselves as well as men who believe this to be true. So deep seated is this belief that it can take enormous courage for women to admit they cannot cope, that they may need help. Either from family and friends or the support systems put in place by you the professionals.


Frequently they will attempt to survive it alone, falling 'help-lessly' into a deeper and darker depression as they feel more and more trapped by the life they are leading. As their world closes in on them their self esteem evaporates into a haze of loneliness and desperation as they retreat further and further from those who could help them.


Many women and men turn to alcohol to numb the pain of their despair. But because it is seen in women as less acceptable to admit to a dependence on alcohol, it often goes unnoticed. They are merely perceived as having a 'rather nervous disposition'. The suffering behind their anxious eyes so often goes unseen.


Sadly for others the strain becomes too much and their decision to take their own life seems to them the only way of ending their pain. Perhaps they didn't believe they deserved the same support they had given to others?


For those who find the courage tentatively to ask for help the 'pill for every ill' is most often administered. For decades tranquilizers, sleeping pills and anti-depressants have been given to generations of women - three times as many as to men!


These pills, these 'mother's little helpers' have left a legacy of millions of women locked into a terrible torment, doomed to a life of dependence from which there is still very little help to escape. More often than not they retreat into their own private hell behind closed doors. Terrified to go out of their homes into what to them has become a frightening world. Dealing with these pills has now become a greater problem than the 'condition' that caused them to be taken in the first place!


Recently, I met a woman who against the odds had succeeded in getting off the tranquilizers she had been prescribed to help with her post natal depression. She had been taking these pills for over thirty years! Giving herself permission to give them up had not been easy but with specialist help she had won!


Her biggest realization was that during those years she had completely lost touch with her own identity. She had now discovered that she was no longer the person others believed her to be. The drugs had closed her down. They had managed to turn her into an anxious zombie. At last she was now able to learn how to live again and become the person she was born to be.


Whether these drugs were given in a genuine attempt to help or whether they were offered as a means of making her more tranquil and acceptable to those around her, the effect can be the same. These pills will tend to make a woman more passive 'to help her conform to the norm'. But whose norm is it?


Isn't it normal not to be able to cope all the time? Isn't it normal for women as well as men to feel frustrated with life? Isn't it normal to feel angry and want to change a situation that is hurting?


Perhaps we need to look more closely at the cause of the illness rather than attempt to suppress it. To accept that putting a lid on powerful feelings and emotions cannot be the healthy option. That to offer women the opportunity to explain their predicament sooner, could be a far more effective use of limited resources, rather than wait until their strength to survive has been sapped.


As long as the real reasons for their problems go unnoticed and unattended they will continue to pass on to the next generation their 'dis-ability'.


If we as a society continue to disable women, by encouraging them to believe they should only do things that are thought to benefit their family even if these women are 'damaged' in the process; if they feel they never have the right to do anything that is just for themselves; if they feel they must sacrifice everything for their loved ones even at the cost of their health, their inner strength and their own self worth; they will live only in the shadow of others and their mental health will surely suffer. But if we can help to give them back their right to fulfil their own potential and to share that with their family, children or friends, maybe fewer women would find themselves living a life that is bleak beyond belief.


Those women who have taken on the heavy burden of attending to others need also to be attended. Not just for their own sake but for the good of us all. Health and happiness taken at the cost of other's pain and suffering cannot be acceptable. Women have a right to their own 'piece of mind'.


Each person is born with very individual qualities and potential. We as a society owe it to women to create a truly supportive enviroment in which they too can grow and move forward. But if we are to help the quiet private desperate lives lived behind closed doors by so many women, they need to know for certain they are not alone - that real support and understanding is there for them.


I hope this conference will help us to understand the needs of women more clearly and that you will find a way of reaching them more effectively and help to give them back their rightful, mentally healthy life.

 

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Speech given by Diana, Princess of Wales on "Women and Children with Aids"
Edinburgh 8th September 1993



Some sections of the media would have us believe that the dark shadow of AIDS is fading away. The predicted explosion has failed to happen and retreated back to those who've so often been condemned or ignored.


Yet common sense and the testimonies of healthcare workers, worldwide, tell us a very different story. The truth is, that most people infected by HIV are heterosexual and the disease is spreading, throughout the world, at a staggering rate.


By the year two thousand - only seven years from now - even the most conservative estimates predict there will be more than thirty million people, worldwide, with HIV - equivalent to more than half the population of the United Kingdom!


Mothers and children are being 'infected' or 'affected' by the Aids virus in greater and greater numbers, every single day.


A mother with HIV or Aids doesn't give up the responsibility of caring for her children easily. Often she is the sole parent, the wage earner, the provider of food, the organiser of daily life, the nurse to other sick members of the family, including her own children. Relentless demands continue to be placed on her, at a time when her own health and strength are falling away.


As well as the physical drain on her energy, a mother with HIV carries the grief and guilt that she probably won't see her healthy children through to independence. If she has passed on HIV to one of her children, she will have to witness their illness while trying to make something of their short life. Worrying as to what will happen to them if she dies first.


Trying to plan for her surviving children's futures won't be an easy task! At what stage should she give up her role as a parent? Who can she rely on to take care of them? Where can she find the right kind of support to decide what is best for them? How can she be sure that her family history and traditions won't be lost?


Yet the biggest fear of the mothers I've met with HIV or AIDS is not their disease. They've learnt to live with their disease, especially, as for much of the time they are feeling well! No, what terrifies them most, is other people! For despite information about Aids being available now for nearly ten years, these women still face harassment, job loss, isolation, even physical aggression, if their family secret gets out.


How then is it possible for them to decide the moment to explain to their children what is happening in their lives? Do they tell the neighbours? Do they tell their children's school? Is there anyone they can truly trust or is it safer and wiser to struggle on alone?


Yet these mothers don't ask for sympathy. Their need is for understanding. To be allowed to live a full and active life. To be given the support to love and care for their children, for as long as they can, without carrying the added burden of our ignorance and fear.


And what of the children who live with HIV every day? Not because they're necessarily ill themselves, but because their family life includes a mother, father, brother or sister who has the virus. How will we help them come to terms with the loss of the people they love? How will we help them to grieve? How will we help them to feel secure about their future?


These children need to feel the same things as other children. To play, to laugh and cry, to make friends, to enjoy the ordinary experiences of childhood. To feel loved and nurtured and included by the world they live in, without the stigma that AIDS continues to attract.


By listening to their needs, really listening, perhaps we can find the best way of helping these children to face their future with greater confidence and hope.


The effect HIV and AIDS has on mothers and children, when the disease is allowed to spread unchecked, was brought home to me on my recent visit to Zimbabwe. I saw for myself the very personal tragedies whole families were suffering.


The damage it was doing to their communities, to the country as a whole, both socially and economically, was devastating.


Yet the support these families were given by those around them was a lesson for us all. They were being treated with compassion and respect, by their friends and neighbours, for what they were having to go through. And were still accepted as an important part of their community, not as outcasts to be ignored.


Here in the United Kingdom the number of women and children known to be infected or affected by HIV or AIDS is still comparatively small. But if we continue to believe that AIDS is someone else's problem, we too, could so easily be facing the same devastating destruction of our nation's way of life that is already happening in other parts of the world.


In my daily life I've seen for myself the tremendous work being done by the many charities and government organisations who are searching for new ways of tackling the dilemma of AIDS. The importance of this conference, here in Edinburgh, cannot be underestimated. It brings together those people who represent milestones of achievement around the world in dealing with the complexities of HIV and AIDS in mothers and children. And also, those who've pushed back the boundaries of our understanding of how the infection is transmitted and how it can be treated. Your exchange of ideas and experiences will, I am sure, make a difference to the future well-being of us all.


I feel certain, we as a nation still need to develop a deeper understanding of what AIDS really is. To possibly, be just a little more aware and just a little less embarrassed about how the virus is transmitted, even when we don't really see ourselves at risk. In that way, perhaps, we may play a small part in helping to protect a person we love from becoming infected with HIV.


For those mothers and children already living under the dark shadow of AIDS we need to help them back into the light. To reassure them. To respect and support their needs. And maybe, we will learn from them, how to live our own life more fully, for however long it is.

 

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Speech given by Diana, Princess of Wales "Does the Community Care?"
17th November 1993


For many people in our society, the idea of talking with someone who has been in care, whether it be a juvenile offender, a person who has suffered from mental illness or perhaps someone with learning difficulties is too awful to contemplate. I can assure them, it's not so bad! Not one of those I've met ever hurt me, was rude to me or treated me as though I was mad!


We now recognise that many of those who were put into longstay institutions need never have been put there in the first place. One woman I vividly remember meeting had been 'put away' thirty years ago, suffering from post natal psychosis, after the birth of her first child. Yet if the right support and resources had been available to her, she could so easily have continued to live in the community. Continued to enjoy what we all take for granted. Being able to go to bed when she was tired, not when the shift changed. Eating what she wanted, rather than being given food which offended the fewest tastebuds. Being able to be private when she needed to, rather than having to share a room with four other people. No space, no privacy, no life!


Care in the community has made all the difference to this woman's life. She is now being helped to return to the community she left so long ago. Living in a homely environment with a small number of others, she is relearning the skills which had been lost to her. Savouring again the delights of a life she could barely remember.


Recently a great deal of publicity has been given to a tiny number of people who have damaged themselves or others when they returned to the community from hospital care. It has raised very real concerns in many people. It's true there is a small minority who are rightly seen as a potential danger to the community who need greater levels of care and understanding. But however terrible these tragic cases are, they cannot be used as a way of dismissing the needs of thousands of others who are no threat to the community whatsoever.


But again the circle of ignorance, fear, and prejudice spins to condemn. Casting them in the role of the untouchables - the people to be avoided at all costs. Disabling them, for being different. Denying them their God given right to be included, to be part of their community. Denying them their right to live without fear of ridicule, hate, and exclusion.


Finding the right kind of care in the community for each individual can never be seen as the soft option. Nor is it cheap! It requires the specialist skills of many different experts and organisations. A partnership, between doctors, health and local authorities, the voluntary and private sector and the police, all working together. Sharing their resources and undeniable talents to create an environment in which a person can develop and grow. But it's also a partnership between these dedicated carers and the person being cared for.
However, being asked to help decide what is best for themselves can leave the individual overwhelmed and frightened. Building on the work of 'Citizen Advocates', who defend the rights of people with learning difficulties, perhaps we could also learn from the help being given to people with AIDS.


Very early on it was realized that they needed a very special kind of support, a very personal kind of attention to help them face their difficulties. Family and friends were sometimes too close to the problems to be able to really see what was needed. While the experts didn't always have the time to see beyond the symptoms. What was needed was an ally, a 'Buddy' to give them one to one attention. Someone who could listen and be there for them. Being a 'Buddy' is not easy. But from those I've met the exchange of basic human kindness enriched not just the person being helped but also the person who did the helping. By sharing the successes and the disappointments, a 'Buddy' could really make a difference to the lives of those taking their first steps back into the community.


Wherever I go I'm privileged to meet so many people who are trying, in so many different ways, to improve the quality of all our lives. Volunteers and professionals, individuals and groups, from the old to the very young, all bringing people together. All attempting to build, in whatever way they can, a happier community, a better society and a healthier nation. But despite the remarkable work they're doing, there still seems to be a deep concern that something is missing in our society today - a real belief that the community cares!


There seems to be a growing feeling of discontent, of emptiness in many peoples' lives. While an overwhelming sense of loss and isolation undermines their efforts to survive and cope with the complexities of modern life. They know something crucial is lacking.


Deep within us all is a need to care and to be cared for. We all have that right. Yet many people, in their attempt to build a life for themselves, lose touch with their own sense of belonging, of being part of something greater than themselves. They no longer believe they have the time or energy to give back to the community they live in, by helping those around them to build a happier life. Yet a community can only develop when individuals remember how dependant we all are on one another and reach out to those around them. Yet we continue to hear how people who live in the same street don't even acknowledge their neighbour's existence, let alone stop to say hello!


A community is made up of individuals. Every one has their part to play in building a caring community. Virtually everyone at some point in their lives will need to be cared for by that community. The community is us. If it's denied the nourishment it needs for survival it will fail to flourish. A plant without water will die and so too will the spirit of our community.


Care in the community is a partnership. A partnership between skilled and caring professionals and a concerned and caring community. Working together, to find new ways of helping these people who've been excluded and connecting them with neighbours who will understand and accept them. By providing, proper funding for the homes they will need and the support they so rightly deserve, we can show them how much we care.


Every single one of us needs to demonstrate how much we care for our community, care for each other and in the process, care for ourselves.


Perhaps, we're too embarrassed to change, too frightened of the consequences of showing that we care. But why not risk it anyway! Begin today! Carry out a random act of seemingly senseless kindness! With no expectation of reward or punishment. Safe in the knowledge that one day, someone, somewhere, might do the same for you.

 

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Speech given by Diana, Princess of Wales for the Headway Lunch
on 3rd December 1993
(Time and Space)


It is a pleasure to be here with you again sharing in your successes of the past year. Headway has grown into an organisation which is improving the quality of so many lives. I'm so proud of the work you've achieved.


In the past twelve years, I can honestly say, that one of my greatest pleasures has been my association with people like yourselves. During those years I have met many thousands of wonderful and extraordinary people, both here and around the world. The cared for and the carers.


To the wider public, may I say that I've made many friends. I've been allowed to share your thoughts and dreams, your disappointments and your happiness. You have also given me an education. By teaching me more about life and living than any books or teachers could have done. My debt of gratitude to you all is immense. I hope, in some way, I've been of service in return.


A year ago, I spoke of my desire to continue with my work unchanged. For the past year I have continued as before. However, life and circumstances alter and I hope you will forgive me if I use this opportunity to share with you my plans for the future which now indeed have changed.


When I started my public life, twelve years ago, I understood the media might be interested in what I did. I realised then their attention would inevitably focus on both our private and public lives.


But I was not aware of how overwhelming that attention would become. Nor the extent to which it would affect both my public duties and my personal life, in a manner, that's been hard to bear.


At the end of this year, when I've completed my diary of official engagements, I will be reducing the extent of the public life I've lead so far.


I attach great importance to my charity work and intend to focus on a smaller range of area's in the future.


Over the next few months I will be seeking a more suitable way of combining a meaningful public role, with hopefully, a more private life.


My first priority will continue to be our children, William and Harry, who deserve as much love, and care, and attention as I am able to give, *as well as an appreciation of the tradition into which they were born.


I would also like to add that this decision has been reached with the full understanding of the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh, who have always shown me kindness and support.*


I hope you can find it in your hearts to understand and to give me the time and space that has been lacking in recent years.


I couldn't stand here today and make this sort of statement without acknowledging the heartfelt support I've been given by the public in general. Your kindness and generous affection has carried me through some of the most difficult periods. And always, your love and care has eased that journey.


And for that I thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

 

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"Responding to Landmines: A Modern Tragedy and its Solutions"

A one day seminar co-hosted by the Mines Advisory Group and the Landmine Survivors Network

June 12th 1997

Keynote Address

Diana, Princess of Wales

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I must begin by saying how warmly I welcome this conference on landmines convened by the Mines Advisory Group and the Landmines Survivors' Network. It is so welcome because the world is too little aware of the waste of life, limb and land which anti-personnel landmines are causing among some of the poorest people on earth. Indeed, until my journey to Angola early this year - on which I am going to speak this morning - I was largely unaware of it too.

For the mine is a stealthy killer. Long after conflict is ended, its innocent victims die or are wounded singly, in countries of which we hear little. Their lonely fate is never reported. The world, with its many other preoccupations, remains largely unmoved by a death roll of something like 800 people every month - many of them women and children. Those who are not killed outright - and they number another 1,200 a month - suffer terrible injuries and are handicapped for life. I was in Angola in January with the British Red Cross - a country where there are 15 million landmines in a population, Ladies and Gentlemen, of 10 million - with the desire of drawing world attention to this vital, but hitherto largely neglected issue.

Some people chose to interpret my visit as a political statement. But it was not. I am not a political figure. As I said at the time, and I'd like to re-iterate now, my interests are humanitarian. That is why I felt drawn to this human tragedy. This is why I wanted to play down my part in working towards a world-wide ban on these weapons. During my days in Angola, I saw at first hand three aspects of this scourge. In the hospitals of Luanda, the capital, and Huambo, scene of bitter fighting not long ago, I visited some of the mine victims who had survived, and saw their injuries. I am not going to describe them, because in my experience it turns too many people away from the subject. Suffice to say, that when you look at the mangled bodies, some of them children, caught by these mines, you marvel at their survival. What is so cruel about these injuries, is that they are almost invariably suffered, where medical resources are scarce.

I observed for myself some of the obstacles to improving medical care in most of these hospitals. Often there is a chronic shortage of medicine, of pain killers, even of anaesthetics. Surgeons constantly engaged in amputating shattered limbs, never have all the facilities we would expect to see here. So the human pain that has to be borne is often beyond imagining. This emergency medical care, moreover, is only the first step back to a sort of life. For those whose living is the land, loss of an arm or leg, is an overwhelming handicap which lasts for life. I saw the fine work being done by the Red Cross and other agencies to replace lost limbs. But making prostheses is a costly as well as a complicated business. For example; a young child will need several different fittings as it grows older. Sometimes, the severity of the injury makes the fitting of an artificial limb impossible. There are never enough resources to replace all the limbs that are lost.

As the Red Cross have expressed it: "Each victim who survives, will incur lifetime expenses for surgery and prosthetic care totalling between £2,000 and £3,000."

That is an intolerable load for a handicapped person in a poor country. That is something to which the world should urgently turn its conscience…….

In Angola, one in every 334 members of the population is an amputee! Angola has the highest rate of amputees in the world. How can countries which manufacture and trade in these weapons square their conscience with such human devastation?

My third main experience was to see what has been done, slowly and perilously, to get these mines out of the earth. In the Kuito and Huambo region I spent a morning with small team from Halo Trust, which is training Angolans to work on the pervasive minefields and supervising their work. I speak of "our team" because men of the Mines Advisory group - or, in this instance, the Halo Trust - who volunteer for this hazardous work are usually former members of our own Services. I take this opportunity to pay my tribute to the work these men do on our behalf - the perils they encounter are not just confined to mines. Two members of the Mines Advisory Group team in Cambodia, Chris Howes and Houn Horth, were kidnapped by the Khmer Rouge a year ago and their fate is uncertain. We can only pray for their safe return…….

Much ingenuity has gone into making some of these mines. Many are designed to trap an unwary de-miner. Whenever such tricky mines appear, the de-miner will call in one of the supervising team, who will then take over. That is what keeps their lives perpetually at risk. It might be less hazardous, I reflected, after my visit to Angola, if some of the technical skills used in making mines had been applied to better methods of removing them. Many of these mines are relatively cheap - they can be bought for £5 apiece, or less. Tracing them, lifting them, and disposing of them, costs far more - sometimes as much as a hundred times more.

Angola, is full of refugees returning after a long war. They present another aspect of this tragedy. The refugee turns towards home, often ignorant of conditions in his homeland. He knows of mines, but homeward bound, eagerness to complete the journey gets the better of him. Or he finds mines on what was once his land, and attempts to clear them. There were many examples of that in Angola. These mines inflict most of their casualties on people who are trying to meet the elementary needs of life. They strike the wife, or the grandmother, gathering firewood for cooking - They ambush the child sent to collect water for the family……

I was impressed to see the work being done by many of the world's agencies on "Mine Awareness"." If children can be taught at school, if adults can be helped to learn what to do, and what not to do in regions that have been mined, then lives can be saved and injuries reduced.

There are said to be around 110 million mines lurking somewhere in the world - and over a third of them are to be found in Africa! Angola is probably more heavily mined than anywhere else, because the war went on for such a long time, and it invaded so much of the country. So that country is going to be infested with mines, and will suffer many more victims. And this brings me to one of the main conclusions I reached after this experience.

Even if the world decided tomorrow to ban these weapons, this terrible legacy of mines already in the earth would continue to plague the poor nations of the Globe. "The evil that men do, lives after them ……"

And so, it seems to me, there rests a certain obligation upon the rest of us……

One of my objectives in visiting Angola was to forward the cause of those, like the Red Cross, striving in the name of humanity to secure an international ban on these weapons. Since them, we are glad to see, some real progress has been made. There are signs of a change of heart - at least in some parts of the world. For that we should be cautiously grateful. If an international ban on mines can be secured it means, looking far ahead, that the world may be a safer place for this generation's grandchildren.

But for this generation in much of the developing world, there will be no relief, no relaxation …… The toll of deaths and injuries caused by mines already there, will continue.

This tracing and lifting of mines, as I saw in Angola, is a desperately slow business. So in my mind a central question remains. Should we not do more to quicken the de-miners' work, to help the injured back to some sort of life, to further our own contribution to aid and development?

The country is enriched by the work done by its overseas agencies and non-governmental organisations who work to help people in Africa and Asia to improve the quality of their lives. Yet mines cast a constant shadow over so much of this work. Resettlement of refugees is made more hazardous. Good land is put out of bounds. Recovery from war is delayed. Aid workers themselves are put at risk. I would like to see more done for those living in this "no man's land" which lies between the wrongs of yesterday and the urgent needs of today.

I think we owe it. I also think it would be of benefit to us, as well as to them. The more expeditiously we can end this plague on earth caused by the landmine, the more readily can we set about the constructive tasks to which so many give their hand in the cause of humanity.

 

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"I found myself wanting to hug and kiss (my sons) all the time. But they have rather passed that stage. I kept reminding myself that they were nearly young men who didn't want to be kissed and hugged by their mother too much."

 

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When William told the press that his greatest interest was "exploring wastepaper baskets," Diana whispered in his ear,

"Who's the little superstar, then?"

 

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In the matter of her sons' nanny, Tiggy Legge-Bourke, who Diana felt was getting far too close to her sons (and her husband), Diana said:

"I am the boys' mother, thank you very much."

 

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(about her boys)

"I think it's important that they see the suffering in the world and have personal knowledge of it."

 

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William saw headlines about his father that shrieked I NEVER LOVED HER. "Is it true, Mummy?" he asked. She replied:

"When we first married, we loved each other as much as I love you now."

 

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"I've told the boys, 'Remember there is always someone in a high-rise flat who doesn't want you to shoot Bambis.'"

 

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When Liz Tilberis, former editor of British Vogue, asked whether Diana had her kids with her, she replied:

"Oh, no. They're in Scotland shooting little furry things with their father."

 

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On William at fourteen:

"He's getting very tall---and we all know which side of the family that's come from."

 

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"William and Harry are the only men in my life who haven't let me down."

 

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Diana frequently said:

"The best part of my day is getting home to the children."

 

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Diana's assessment of her sons in 1992:

"William is a typical Gemini---very sensitive and emotional. Harry is a happy-go-lucky character who takes things in his stride. Harry is most at ease with the royal world. He loves castles and soldiers and pomp. William is very much his father's son in his sporting habits and is at his happiest a Balmoral."

 

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Comedian Joan Rivers remembers the day she met Diana. William had just gone off to Eton, and she asked Diana whether she'd redecorated his room yet. Diana replied:

"I don't know whether to make it a sauna or gym."

 

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During a visit with a young woman dying of cancer, the woman's mother told Diana that her son had pierced his navel.

"God," Diana said, "if William ever did that, my mother-in-law would hit the roof."

 

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"Only when the baby (Harry) is a lot older will he realize how lucky he is not being the eldest. The second child will never have the same sort of pressures or problems that poor William will always have to put up with."

 

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"I am only too aware of the temptation of avoiding harsh reality, not just for myself but for my own children, too. Am I doing them a favor if I hide suffering and unpleasantness from them until the last possible minute? The last minute which I choose for them may be too late. I can only face them with a choice based on what I know. The rest is up to them."

Diana's favorite phrase at tucking-in time:

"Who loves you most?"

After Fergie and Andrew's wedding in September 1986:

"Did you see William? I'm glad he behaved himself because he can be a bit of a prankster. William is just like me, always in trouble, but he'll grow out of it."

"I just want my children to be happy and normal. I will do everything I can to help them achieve these very ordinary feelings."

Diana vowed to protect her sons from frequent public duty for as long as possible.

"My sons won't be pushed into doing anything public---unlike the Queen and Princess Margaret, who appeared in public at a very early age during the teens. William and Harry will definitely be broken in gently."

On a visit to an orphanage, a thirteen-year-old asked Diana why William wasn't with her......

"I didn't bring William today because he's a little pest. he won't do as he's told and touches everything."

Then, while watching a seventeen-year-old demonstrate break dancing, Diana jokingly told him:

"I'll buy you a new pair of trousers if you split those."

Diana told a woman in the crowd waiting to see her in Nova Scotia:

I wish I had William with me. We've been away a few hours, but I miss him very much. I'm really sorry we couldn't bring him."

On her postpartum depression:

"When I came out of the hospital I could barely put one foot in front of the other. My stitches were killing me. It was such a strain to stand there and smile even for just a few minutes. As soon as the car disappeared around the corner out of sight of the photographers, I burst into tears."

For more than the obvious reasons, Diana felt tremendous relief when William was at last born:

"I felt the whole country was in labor with me."

Before William's birth, Diana adamantly told her physician, Dr. Pinker:

"I shall of course be breastfeeding for as long as possible. I believe it is a very important part of bonding between mother and child."

When journalist Arthur Edwards asked Diana whether she intended to go watch charles play polo, she replied:

"No, I'm not going. I hate the game. I don't understand it and I never have. I also hate the sycophants who hang around it. So I'm not going at all this summer. The boys won't be going either. They don't like it and, anyway, it's a waste of quality time."

"I think in any marriage, especially when you've had divorced parents like myself, you'd want to try even harder to make it work and you don't want to fall back into a pattern that you've seen happen in your own family. I desperately wanted it to work, I desperately loved my husband and I wanted to share everything together, and I thought that we were a very good team."

"My husband and I had to keep everything together because we didn't want to disappoint the public, and yet obviously there was a lot of anxiety going on within our four walls."

"However bloody you are feeling, you can put on the most amazing show of happiness."

Early in 1996, Diana told journalists:

"The boys are both doing very well at school. William is doing well academically and doesn't really like it. He'd prefer to do other things but sticks to his work and is getting on fine."

In 1991, Diana still told most friends that charles was:

"the same man today as on my wedding day."

The Palace insisted that charles be at Diana's side after her father died, although she'd intended to leave charles and their two boys behind.

"Why are they bothering about him ignoring me now? He's been ignoring me for years already."

Diana told Charles:

"My duty (as a mother) lies above my duty to you."

Diana discussed the 1994 Jonathan Dimbleby biography of Prince Charles with Peter Stothard, London Times editor:

"Do you know that it originally was supposed to contain nothing about our relationship at all? How were reader supposed to think that the (children) came? By immaculate conception?"

"(Charles) ignores me everywhere and has done so for a long time."

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(what a special guy! LOL)

 

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Diana once told Charles (and I bet this went over big):

"The boys are entitled to happiness and see their father when they need him, not to be told he's running another meeting for the Crisis in Britain League. I need to get away from my royal duties, too; so do you."

"My husband knows so much about rearing children that I have suggested he has the next one and I'll sit back and give advice."

At a charity function in 1989, Diana told a dinner companion:

"I want to have three more babies, but I haven't told my husband yet."

Responding to criticism for taking her children with her to visit Fergie's former lover Paddy McNally's villa in the south of France:

"They are our children. They are not the possession of the Crown or State."

Diana once told Charles:

"You look like a stiff. You embarrass me in front of my friends."

When Charles suggested that she should become better informed so that they could have more intelligent conversations, Diana retorted,

"The whole world thinks I'm fine just as I am. That ought to be enough for you."

When Charles left her for yet another meal with his mother, she asked:

"Why do you do this to me? Why can't we just have a meal alone together for a change."

"It is amazing how much happiness a small child brings to people."

Diana, to Charles' valet, Stephen Barry:

"I don't know what to do, I feel so unhappy here. Charles doesn't understand me. He would prefer to be out shooting or stalking or riding or chatting with his mother rather than be with me. Can't he understand that I need him to look after me? I feel he's abandoned me. He just leaves me here all day. I hate it."

"There I was in floods of tears, just needing him. And I'm told I have to book an appointment------with my own husband."

As late as 1991, Diana was still involved in attempts to convince the world that her marriage was doing well. In a story that appeared in Good Housekeeping, Andrew Morton qoted Diana:

"Don't worry about me, my marriage is fine....People jump to conclusions so easily. It is so easy for people to judge my marriage, but they don't understand me or my husband. I am never going to get divorced and that's that. Whatever people may think and say, I am very happy, thank you very much."

Diana makes more excuses for her marriage:

"I know what is going on. I know what people are thinking. Inevitably we are going to be frequently apart. It's the nature of the job. We both do lots of jobs in different directions, but our marriage is very good, thank you very much. We don't see as much of each other as we should."

Diana's term for the early 80's:

"My early fairy period."

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In a letter to her former nanny, Mary Clarke, shortly after her marriage:

"I do get annoyed at not being able to do my washing and general ironing. I know sister Sarah would adore that situation!...I might even have to learn to ride a horse, Mary, as it is the only time I will ever see my husband on his own.....I adore being married and having someone to devote my time to."

After the wedding was over....Diana said this:

"After all this fuss (of the wedding), I am sure we will live happily ever after."

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wishful thinking apparently.....

What did Diana do on the weekends when Charles had custody of their sons?

"I stay in town. If I go out, I keep my eyes down or straight ahead. Wherever I go, the press finds ways to spy, you know. Often I visit a hospice."

(the wedding time)

"I've asked for one hymn, 'I Vow to Thee, My Country,' which has always been my favorite since school days."

The hymn was also played at her funeral.



Raine's mother, the eccentric romance novelist Dame Barbara Cartland, was not invited to the royal wedding. Diana once remarked:

"Her false eyelashes look like two crows flying into the White Cliffs of Dover."

Watching the prewedding coverage on TV, Diana grew quite nervous. She asked her seamstress:

"Do I really have to go out in front of all these people?"

i like this one


She was obsessed with losing weight before the wedding.

"I'm not waddling up the aisle like a duck."

 

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Diana told her guests at a Buckingham Palace garden party:

"I'm going to videotape it (the wedding) so I'll be able to run back over the best bits and rub out the part where I say 'I will'"

 

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"Will you watch the wedding?" Diana asked one man at a garden party honoring the Year of the Disabled Person. "Yes," he replied. And then, momentarily confused by the radiant princess-to-be, he asked, "Will you?"

"No," she said with a laugh. "I'm in it."

 

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On the last night she spent in her flat, on the eve of the official announcement of her engagement, Chief Inspector Paul Officer told her: "This is the last night of freedom in your life, so make the most of it." Diana recalled:

"Those words felt like a sword through my heart."

 

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In November 1980, the Sunday Mirror ran a story alleging that Lady Diana had spent two secret nights with charles aboard the royal train, which was used by members of the royal family for official business travel. Diana pleaded:

"Please believe me. I've never been on that train. I have never even seen it."

 

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The night before the wedding, Diana told an interviewer she planned:
"to be tucked up into bed, I think, early night."

Charles blurted, "Not allowed to see me anyway the night before."

"We might quarrel," Diana rejoined.

 

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In response to the suggestions that Princes William and Harry were too young to be introduced to homeless shelters and AIDS wards, Diana said:

"I want them to have an understanding of people's emotions, of people's insecurities, of people's distress, of their hopes and dreams."

 

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a Q&A session with Grania Forbes of the London Press Association in July 1981 acquainted the public a bit better with their new princess:

"I've been extremely touched by everyone's enthusiasm and affection. It has taken a bit of getting used to the cameras but it is wonderful to see people's enthusiastic reaction; it is most rewarding and gives me a tremendous boost. The Prince of Wales has made everything far easier for me and it is very good to be able to do things together publicly. I miss the immediate company of my flatmates. I'm enormously greatful to the many people helping so well with all the wedding arrangements and very much looking forward to visiting Wales and getting to know it better as part of my duties as future Princess of Wales."

 

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Pointing to an outsized medal on her jacket, Diana told a group of photographers in a Klosters cafe:

"I have awarded it to myself for services to my country, because no one else will."